Cosmic Girl Channel

The Speech That Had Made Me Becomes The Greatest Enemy

2012-01-30T12:25:00.002+08:00

* This video was taken on April 9th 2011 (I took this video with my cellphone camera. I'm sorry for such a bad quality of a picture)

Last year, I was attending Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim’s campaign. It was a block away from the place that I had worked. Everyone seems to be eager to see a man that being called “GUILTY” and “SEX-MANIAC” by his opponents that were supposed to be his sidekicks way back before his was kick from the “ORGANIZATION”. In my point of view, I’m taking few considerations about him. He gained many supporters and as for myself, I’m not his supporters but I would like to hear what he said like giving someone a chance to talk about something that maybe we don’t know about ourselves or anything around us. Once, he was sounds domineering but then, I think he’s right about lots of things, I mean look at the reality here in this country. It was definitely saddened and I feel I was also a victim to this difficult situations too. At least, someone had talked about it. Perhaps, I may stood up for something different in politics but I won’t do something extremely dangerous like the other does.

In the other hand, during his speech that day, I would like to see a man that they had accused him for having a sex with beautiful prostitute of Thailand. I saw a few videos through YouTube and clearly, these people wanted to end his political careers for good. This is insane, I thought and I can’t believe cops are also falling for this too. Whether it had been arranged or whatever they called it, I’m going to remember this as the dirtiest political campaign ever in Malaysia for more than 10 years. Malaysia would never be the same as they kicked Anwar out and they jailed him. For few years, Anwar had exposed most of the secrets that we never know for sure but for this time, like I said, I believe him. As I was attended the campaign at the same time, I was accused as a traitor of my own families and friends. I would like to say this even if they won’t listened to me. That is called “FREEDOM OF CHOOSING FOR WHAT WE WANT”. Sadly, it was a crime for some people and yeah, give that man a chance to talk on his behalf by the way.

During half an hour campaign here in Tatau on April 9^th 2011, the speeches are mostly about the reality that happens in Malaysia. It’s very regrettable that not every people focusing on what he said about it. I just don’t want to express I was regret when after the campaign they had threatened my career, my life, everything but I refused to give up and perhaps, he was my inspired to stand up against them all. He may not a real hero for everyone but as I can see from what I understood, it’s a simple facts that he was ex-deputy premier and it’s a fact that he knows how it goes in this country in every way. Well, some idiots are trying to cover the shit up and fools those were already idiots with their idiots idealism. What a mess, I thought. Of course is everything but it won’t buy my faith and my freedom as well. I guess, not everybody were at the same page as I was. Well, as I had upload this video, I don’t have a translations but I summarized his speeches that day.

His speeches are all about the current Sarawak government that is dominated but more 40 year-old rules. Even if the government had claimed that had bring the better lives for the people but the sad truth is most of these so-called “DEVELOPMENT” had been robbed out from the people here in Sarawak. He talked about timber mafia, illegal logging, illegal plantations as many more. Then again, he talked about corruption among BN (Barisan Nasional party) leaders especially in Sarawak lead by Chief Minister Pehin Sri Taib Mahmud. That is the sad truth but I believe it is more than that. I don’t want to comment more about the personal things owned by Sarawakian leaders. That sounds too personal but if they’d claimed for what they’d claimed it was the truth, I don’t want guessing games with them but to get ready for anything that will be happened in this year. Meanwhile, we’ll wait for that, whatever next, I’m sure it’s very interesting.

Mad GaGa Revenge VS Angry Birds

2012-01-20T15:05:00.001+08:00

When I'm turning myself into Angry Bird...

Think that I am going to stop just like that, well, think again. I am really didn’t like some people provoking my life and sometimes, some people should get their lesson from me. I had enough with bullies. Recently, I had been attacked by several people that called they’re so damn evil genius. They had betrayed my trust on them and trying to throw me out from the office. Well, let’s see whose get who at the first place. And so I was feel that I was humiliated by this person. I feel extremely bad about myself. I just don’t understand why did I fell into the same mistake over and over again? I thought. Nowadays, I’d rather stay alone and be alone. I just didn’t want to meet anyone and if I had to, I never hangaout with the. They’re bad influnces to my life. I don’t want to be like that. I am waiting for the right time to seek for revenge. Humiliating my life through Facebook or any social medias are not wise move instead now, I am using Facebook against these kind of people to get the punishment.

This person had bitching a lot through Facebook. I was “UNFRIEND” and even “BLOCK” this person from my friend lists. I am tired being an angry bird all the times when I saw the posts posted by this person. Bitchy friends aren’t my friends instead I thought this person should get a life of her own. Her colleague couldn’t stand her bitchiness as well as myself but I am so lucky to work everyday without her compares to them. She’s always complained and bitch to her “so-called” husband. Her “husband” was a married man and I know she knows that she was in love with a married man but she keep on doing it. She’s a scrubber for me. At the other side of the story, I’m quietly feel sympathy to her other colleagues. She made their lives like a living hell. I couldn’t stand to see them get bullied and I thought, maybe I could do something to give some support. All I can do is I had asked them to tell the truth or get help from someone that could listen to their grieves. She had bury them alive.

Maybe she's using silicone and saline to get some revenge but not me...

Former supervisor whose supposed to take care of the business had quit the job very long time ago was coming back to rescue all his peeps when one of them had expressed their grievance. After a series of argument last December, they’re back on track and kick that bitch from the business. Even if she’s still a “housemaid”, she was asked to stay away from their business. I can see through her eyes that she was humiliated. How does it feels to be humiliated? Now, she was preparing for the worst. The entire enemies are waiting for the outside to get her and I was sit there and watch her damn bitchy show. When she’s complained about this and that about her life, I just listening but never really care what she said because I thought it was a lie after all. Then, they had found her secret posts through facebook whereas she bitches about lots of people including myself.

I just feel like Lady GaGa except I don’t use silicone and saline to kill my enemy. At least, I’m injected the poison to herself. Am I sounds like bitchy enough to you? Maybe! But I had let her to taste her own medicine. I just wanted her to know, no matter what you did, someday, somehow, God will judge you. I am not the one who judge you. Speaking of revenge, it was really not a revenge. It was for the sake of justice. I know I am like Lady GaGa’s song – “Dance In The Dark” and “Marry The Night” and if I get really angry, I was like chirping around like angry birds but never ever used the hard way to get revenge on these kind of people. I would to see more drama from her, anytime soon. She’s already calling her peeps to get her hands on them but I think she’s coward. She talks a lot and I was “Yeah, yeah, whatever – BITCH!!!”. But somebody should kick her ass out from here.

2012: Time For Miracles

2012-01-04T15:23:00.001+08:00

A year that I'm waiting for...

For some culture, this year, may be the end of the world while the other culture believe that it was the end of the era. I don’t know what kind of things that I had to believe but in my perspective of view, I just wanted to start a new year with some new issues and even the unresolved issues from last year. For me, for the last three years, it was totally horrible years. I just don’t understand why that it seems like a Lady Luck had been far away from me. For this year, I am trying create my own luck with my own effort. I don’t know if this is going to work but I will try my very best to create this opprtunity of my own. Like I said before, I don’t have any new resolutions but I tend to finish the resolutions that had been undone yet. For me, it’s very bad start but I refused to give up at the first place. At least, I am more aware than usual. Speaking of dreams, I do have many of them but all I need is now. For some, it may just a joke but for me, I’ll take it seriously. After all, both French cyclists that had comes to my longhouse and even my workplace had reminds me how they’re wanted to achieve their dreams to travel around the world by just cycling. I am so inspired by this and I am decided to do this as well. I know that 2012 had install something beautiful for me. After all, I want to live in my imagination and not my past anymore. That imagination will become my present and it will no more become my future.

Happy New Year 2012

2012-01-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

To all CGC fans, lovers and passerby readers,
Happy New Year 2012....

From CGC Creator & Admin,
Sylvia @ Ryoko

Merry Christmas 2011

2011-12-25T08:00:00.001+08:00

To all CGC fans, lovers and passerby readers,
Merry Christmas and The Happy New Year 2011....

From CGC Creator & Admin,
Sylvia @ Ryoko

Mad GaGa Attack VS Angry Birds

2011-12-15T11:22:00.002+08:00

Angry Bird on the street, watch out!!!

Today, I had found almost everyone is irritating. I just realized I had some kind of “Mad GaGa Attack” in my mind. I just wished it will be away from my mind but I just can’t. I’m having a little exploding with few people today but I make a quick excuse with turning myself into silence or making a very big smile in my face. I feel like my face is aching now. Everything is seems to be matter to me from my personal life to my public life. I don’t like people backstabbing me all the times and I’m tired of being coward. I swear I will get my hands on with few people but I decided to teach them a lesson with my own style. I don’t consider some of them a junior brain-child anymore when they’re now considering as an adult. It’s time to launch an attack to these idiots that’s keep calling them a mad genius. When I do, nobody can stop me. When I’m mad, I’m really like an angry birds and I don’t care what will happen to them. I’ll get what I want and give back what they’d gave to me.

Moon Eclipse

2011-12-12T07:00:00.001+08:00

Actually, I just stole my boss' picture from his facebook photos. LoL!!

Two days ago, I'm really excited to see this. It was very historical moment for all my life whereas the moon eclipsed had becomes the headline on the news all over the world. But too bad, I cannot see this fully. However, I know my boss will upload this photo so I will stole his picture (LoL!!). He didn't know that. My colleague said she and her sister had made a wish to become a richest woman. Me? I'm just gone back to sleep even if I'm excited to see this kind of phenomenon. These phenomenon had reminds me a science subject back in the school for a long time ago.

The Good Hair Day

2011-12-11T12:42:00.002+08:00

I just planned to have a hairstyle like Kelly Clarkson. This is the best hairstyle that she ever had

Like I said for a long time ago, I just don’t need a new year to do my resolution because I’m not going to do it. Actually, I don’t need the specific time to do it and so, if I want to do it, I’ll do it now. For example, these past few months, I’m trying to keep longer length for my hair. I wish I’ll keep it that way until my shoulder. Last time, I am tempted to cut it off but then, like the people whose trying to stop smoking, I am trying to delay to cut it off. It’s been more than three months I guess. I am so, so excited about it now. I had a plan to have a “kawaii hairstyle” just like J-Pop artists. Perhaps, if I’m getting bored with J-Pop, I just wanted to follow Kelly Clarkson’s hairstyle. I’ll keep on changing my mind, over and over again. Maybe, if I’m bored again, I’ll be back to the short hairstyle again.

Christmas Season Without The Love Ones

2011-12-03T15:06:00.000+08:00

Another Sad Christmas, just for me...

Xmas is getting nearer and I just realized time flies so fast. But everytime it’s coming, I just feels the pain in my heart. I’m celebrating Xmas without my mum again this year and then again, that bullies and my family members from the hell is started the wild parties again. I hate holidays sometimes. The meaning of Xmas is really nothing for me these few years but I decided to live like everyone else does. This year, I had decided to celebrate Xmas in my office. I don’t care what they think of me. Of course, my boss and I were not in the same religion. I’m decided to do some cleanup but definitely not around these days. I am not lazy but I don’t like people to complaint too much about my work. I hate it so much and lately, I’m taking it personal. I had sacrificed lots of things in t5his life and sometimes, I feel very bad when I had lost many things. As if there’s no way to be in that world again. I don’ even know when is the storm of this life will going to stop? Next year, I just hope my luck will be improved and if it’s not I will keep on hoping for that day to come.

20.11.2011 ~ Make A Wish

2011-11-20T22:10:00.002+08:00

Waiting for the future...

Another beautiful number today and for me, it was indeed beautiful enough. I admit, I had bad things going at home but I don’t want think about that anymore. I want to move forward and I had promised myself to look for the best this month and I knew it will come but never knew it was too soon. Of course, I was surprised actually. Although, this month, my boss and I had made money these few weeks, I’m still broke anyway. My dad’s car had broke, having a fight with family member over family dispute that I’d rather not talked about it anymore and then again, facing the people that I hate for the rest of my life. But nowadays, I feel more confident than ever. I am no longer hated myself anymore. Although, I can’t really predicted the time of the future but I’m certain the future that will be here happens to me and the rest of the people of my life. The future of happiness and the future about sadness, I know it is all here. New people and even the same old people (but we’re never met for years) also comes together into my life. Maybe God had a plan for me. I don’t know that but I knew with His guide I can pass the storm of my life. That’s all I ever wanted.

11.11.11 11:11 ~ 1 Duty, 1 Responsibility, 1 Prophecy, 1 Destiny

2011-11-11T23:11:00.000+08:00

Everyone is making fussed about this number and I tell you what even if it takes another hundred year to get the same figure again, well, for me right now, I must completed my tasks. No matter what it takes, I really don’t have many choices or even time to waste. My time is running out and I had to be there on time. Maybe this is sound to weird for those friends who know me but this is all begun when I had accepted this tasks very long time ago before I was ready for it. I feel pretty much isolated until I understand the nature of the tasks that I must finished before deadlines. I had sacrificed a lot of things in my life including the one that I love. I am sorry, I really didn’t mean to hurt some of them but someway or somehow I thanked them for all of that. I would like to apologize over my over-stupid joke and even my “lovely” words. It’s not like it comes from anyone else but it comes straight from my heart. Talked about the number itself, there are many of them wishing something good on this day. Some might hold wedding ceremony today, some maybe had a baby whose born today, some is wanted to find a job today, had a date, everything, you name it. But for whatever reason it is. I’m sure today was fulfilling with love and happiness or even if today is not the day we’re hope for, I wanted to say, this date is just a number, so don’t worry about it. Be it and I’m sure you’ll get your lucky number, someday.

Voluntary Works

2011-10-28T10:40:00.000+08:00

This is one of my dreams...

Seriously, I never did voluntary works in my whole life. Back when I was young, I just wanted to do this while travelling around the world. I thought with my help I’m also could end the poverty and ease the others pain as well as eases mine. My heart is easily touched when I saw thousands of children are being forced to be slaves. As if we’re done nothing to stop modern slavery, I’m taking the other path to try with all by means that I had. In reality, this is not an easy task after all. Time had passed me by, when I got the opportunity to apply some international voluntary work, I’m quickly doing it. Knowing that my luck had not always stay by my side, I’m never giving up and still continue to apply for the same job since 2004 until now. I’m always wanted to join UNCHR and UNICEF. Hopefully, that one day, this dream will comes true.

Silence of Love (Love Always From Dad)

2011-10-17T15:25:00.005+08:00

Very sad commercial indeed but that's life...

When I watched a Thailand sad commercial which is belong to Thai Life Insurance, I couldn’t help myself but to cry. Not only the story is too good but it’s reflected to many people that I know in my whole life and that are including me. I consider myself luckier than most of the people that I know. Life is pretty much harder and painful in reality. It’s very unfair and feeling like there’s no hope to live at all. I want to run as far as I could but I have nowhere to run. I’ve been mentioned this for few times. I hate my life for many reasons until one day, when a mutual friend of mine that I had met on internet had talked about how does this unfairness had taught her about hope which is never dies at the first place and she’s also had told me that trusting in God maybe hard but surely, He never fails. I’ve tried to understand what it means in my own terms and it’s very hard to understand until I saw it in front of my eyes. Sometimes, hope and wishes doesn’t need to prove by our eyes. It’s by believing and sees the truth with heart and not with eyes.

While this story in this commercial is about the deaf dumb dad whose struggled to raise his daughter as his daughter had being bullied in the school for having a dad like him. She felt that this life is pretty much unfair to her. All she’s ever wanted is to have a normal dad. I don’t see her mom but I believe her dad had raised her alone. Due to depression, she’s committing a suicide but luckily, her life had been saved by her own dad during her birthday. Although he can’t speak but the doctor understands him a lot that he wants him to save his daughter’s life. He had no money but he wanted the doctor to save his daughter’s life. This part makes me cry. I don’t know what happen to her dad at the end of this commercial and who had died as the ECG graph shows there is no more heartbeat anymore. I wonder if he dies and the girl is crying. There’s few flashback shown about how her wanted her to be good in school and all he ever wished that she will grown up and have a good life better from him one day.

As for the lesson in the real life, nobody is perfect even the normal ones doesn’t had a perfect life but of course like I said before, it’s really unfair but you know what, suicide is not the answer for everything. Like for myself, I give myself another chance to understand the meaning of life. Yes, sometimes, we feel that we do not have strength to get up but do not give up yet, there are more than what you can see in your life. Well, ever since my mom had passed away I’m also live with my father. There are few things that I don’t like about my life but then, when I think it over then I decided to stand up what I believe in. I am no longer afraid and willingly to fight back to get my justice. At the same time, this commercial had reminds me about one thing. I love my dad and always will. I am thankful to have a dad like him. There’s nothing more that I had wished for in this world and nothing can replace my love to him in this world.

Live The London Mode

2011-10-14T12:30:00.001+08:00

My most favorite place in London...

I am so London these days. It was now my current obsession. Music, arts, history, film, drama, movies, you name it. It’s all about being live the London look. That’s what I saw in Rimmel’s London ads on internet. Nice, I thought! I want to be like that. However, I don’t really speak English in British accent but I’m into American accent these days. I haven’t tried English cuisine yet but I tell you what, I wanted to try it now. Looks nice to me but my diet plan spoiled then, however, I must complete my London obsession for right now. By the way, London lifestyle is pretty much posh to me but I like it. What I mean is that is something cool and classy. I don’t mind to be look posh, cool and classy because when a woman like me can reinvent myself freely over and over again. How cool is that to be a woman.

Good Job: Tribute To Steve Jobs

2011-10-06T16:04:00.000+08:00

R.I.P. Steve Jobs (1955 - 2011) The Founder of Apple

I was shocked this morning when I was told by a friend through my facebook that the founder of the Apple had died yesterday and so, I had visited Apple webpage this morning and checking all the online news like CNN and BBC. Mr. Steve Jobs is truly a great visionary man of the future. He changes our lives and changes almost everything about our point of view on technology. All I can say, thank you very much for the technology that had been delivered to all of us. You're always be remembered and never dies in our heart.

My most favorite speeches which reminds me a lot about my own life...

My deepest condolences to his family and the Apple staffs. May he rest in peace....

Supernatural Calling

2011-09-19T17:35:00.000+08:00

Can you see the figure of a young woman which is standing in front of the car? Photo courtesy by Mr. Janting via Mr. Jalin

Yup, like I’ve ever said before, I believe ghost and supernatural. They’re part of the living things in this world which is cannot be explained with scientific explanations. Talked about natural, recently, one of my friends had asked me if I ever saw the photos of the ghosts which was taken accidentally by “(un)lucky” people. Yup, I do. Take for the example, the photo (above) which is taken by one the longhouse chief’s that lives near to our longhouse too. The night when he took the picture, he saw a strange looking thing passes his brother’s house. He and his wife thought it was a thief but when both of them came to the place, that’s when they saw something strange. Then, the longhouse chief took the picture of the strange light. At first, we he took the picture, he didn’t see anything. Not until the next day, he’d realized there’s a young woman in the picture. Well, no one can explained that either she was a spirit or evil ghost but according to my late grandmother, many had claimed to see a strange figure out there at the same place long time ago but never they’d told it was either a man, woman or any other spirit that lives over there. Well, I’m also could no explained this supernatural thing but all I can say I believe it’s true.

September To Remember ～10th Anniversary ～

2011-09-11T14:01:00.002+08:00

To my dearest American friends,

Truth had been revealed…
Justice had been done…
Faith had given us the strength of passion…
Believe that God is always save America…

From CGC Blogger
Ryoko

Fun-tastic Music For Sissy Gays

2011-08-31T16:00:00.001+08:00

* Kylie Minogue was one of the popular female singers and one of the sissy gays favorites as well. Love ya' Kylie...

Most of my gay friends are really into some catchy pop music. I admit that sometimes, I really love their musical taste. Like for example, one of my gay friends (I called him Ah Wei), he’s really into Malay / Indo female pop artistes such as Ziana Zain, Aishah, Misha Omar, Nora, Kris Dayanti, Mayang Sari, Nicky Astria etc. He knows almost all of the lyrics and would try very hard to copy the style too. I cannot stop impress over it. Another gay friend that I had really loves Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, Jennifer Lopez and Kylie Minogue. I guess ever since Lady GaGa is on the scene, those were tried very hard to become like her. Like I said before, there were two types of gays and I had many sissy gay friends rather than elegant gay friends. I don’t know if I’m the one who’s only had this problem before, for me, it’s hard to befriend with the elegant gay. However, one of my friends told me they’re also like us straight. Some might be unapproachable and some might be friendly but you know what, I guess my friend was right. Whoever seems unapproachable I will leave them alone.

Back to their musical taste again, my sissy gay friends would asked why my musical taste is spoil sometimes as they didn’t really like heavy type of music. “Of course, darling” I’ve told them. That because I’m into everything which later, I found one of articles on internet about human characters that very much connected to music. They’re really like to listen to something soft, very feminine, popular and elegant kind of music. I can’t stop admiring them and I feel jealous sometimes when it seems they know everything about music. No wonder, they said I am a tone deaf. Am I really like that by the way? As for my straight metrosexual guy friends that I had, they were always told me to stop giving my sissy gay friends a hope even more to become a woman. Well, I tell you what guys, whatever you say about them, it comes from their heart and you can’t stop that, at least, they’re the one who stop that all by themselves but can them or can we?

Music is so wonderful and everybody loves music including me as well. Whoever calls pop and R&B are for sissies, I think they should respect somebody else’s privacy too. Get a life then! That’s my advice to you. To dearest my sissy gay friends, if you happens to read this one day, I just you to love whatever you really loves to listen to. As for myself, I mostly go for female artistes too and would collect all their posters and even pictures on internet and even buy from record stores. Sometimes, it does sounds very gay to some people but I tell you what, we are free to do anything that we want. Whether you prefer Lady GaGa to Kylie Minogue or Madonna to Mariah Carey, it’s still cool you know. Nobody can stop you guys to make a choice. We still can sing and dance together to the good sounds of music but never ever feels bad about it. It does sounds frustrating but trust me, you’ll understand what I mean.

Happy Eid Mubarak

2011-08-30T14:30:00.000+08:00

* Photo source from Mobile Repair Centre

Happy Eid Mubarak x Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

from me with love♥♥♥...
~ Ryoko ~

Too Old or Too Young? ~Extended Dye Remix~

2011-08-29T08:00:00.001+08:00

* Photo source by Manda B (Flickr)

Sometimes, I do not happy the way I look and so, I recreate it over and over again. Once, I had dyed my hair, guess what I look like. I really look like 50 year old granny and then, when I colored back to black, I look like 17 year old teenage girl. What’s going on actually? Am I crazy I thought? Almost everybody could not recognize me when I did not wear the same outfits that I used to wear to the town as I colored my hair back to black. I admire my brown / copper hair but my dad says it looks like I’m older than my age. He calls me granny. I hate it so much and even most of the people thought that I was at the same age with my dad. Eventually, I was crying and one day, I decided to color it back as it supposed to be and hoping it will back to my normal age. As I happily did the thing that I thought it would be, suddenly, some people had asked me why I quit school too early. I was like…huh? At first, I’ve told them I was the same age with my dad as they thought I look like the one before and maybe, they thought it was a joke. There are lots of time people asking the same question of quitting school too soon. I thought they were talking about quitting college or university but it’s no lie as they’re actually meant for high school. Again, I was like…huh? Therefore, the lesson that I got, whatever style it was, make sure it suit for the age. The truth is I haven’t found the style that’s really suits for my age. I live with t-shirt, jeans and sandals most of the times but only the time is needed me to become classy, that’s when you see I am totally a different person.

(not) Everybody’s Fool

2011-08-28T13:00:00.000+08:00

* Photo source by podictionary (Flickr)

Maybe, it looks like that I’m perfect by nature but like everybody else did, I am quite rebellious too. However, I won’t rebel without caused. Everything must have a reason because I’m not everybody’s fool. Although I am quite rebellious, I just know the level that I can tolerate with some people. Sometimes, I can’t stand them but as if I don’t want to create more trouble, I’d made it all by myself doing it rather than wasting my time talking rubbish. But when the time comes when I can no longer hold my anger, it’s time to take damage control with my classy style. I don’t care who they are. Yup, when I took classy style, trust me, they must prepare for the worst. They can call me a freak or whatever but please don’t bully me around even if I don’t talk much. As most of my friends saw how I am acting out of my real character, they’re totally surprised. I’ve told them, I could be anything that I want but I won’t be a fool. Who’s got the last laugh then? Thinking of the trouble that I will create later I feel really bad but then, I had enough to do sacrificing and it’s time to stand up and do it like it should be.

Life's A Bitch ~Past Victim Alive Mix~

2011-08-24T15:10:00.001+08:00

* Photo source by Look at my photos(Flickr)

Given many choices for this life, I’d rather become a child forever. No hassle, no trouble at all but I admit I can’t stop the time too. Now, I’m at 30s. Some of my friends are already had started a family and had a successful life too. However, I don’t intended to go for the competition. I’m a kind of person who likes to go with a flow. Once, I’m afraid to display for being who I am really are but you know what, I get it now. I have to become someone else because I like to fool around. It’s so hilarious especially for those people who call themselves grown up. Use to hear this all the times isn’t it? Well, let’s go to something crazier than that. You know, ladies, we’re surrounded with negative people with the negative thoughts. So be prepared physically and mentally to live and to survive in this beautiful cruel world. Like I did, I bet some of you being surrounded with the ladies whom we called them a bitch. Yup, it’s one of the filthiest words we ever heard in our lives but admit it, because of them we were change and hopefully, not the bad ones.

I’m as well being live with them. You bet, not only I feel very bad for myself but also I wish I never existed at all. When I was in school, I suffer bullying too but never physically abused. I am more to mentally abused. Maybe, I was definitely wrong but my eyes were never lie. Some teachers are prone to help their favorite students especially those bitches. I am more to rebellious kind of person but never broke the school laws. I admit I am the good rebel with caused but then again, it doesn’t mean I didn’t go with the flow and trying to survive in the hell for 11 years. Being called as fatty is nothing new but now, I am more ready for that name-calling. That’s when I realized I was grown up. Most of times, the bitches like them are trying to outshine or making very sarcastic comments about anything that concerns of our lives. Ahh… you feel you’re wanted to ‘kill’ them don’t you? Well, don’t! The best way is to change or the best way, stay away from them for a long time if it’s needed. You’ll see what I mean.

The truth is God is really kind to us. When you’re being able to see yourself in another world, you’ll be kind to yourself. People are more appreciated for what you are. These kinds of people are really your friends who come to support you. They build confidence in you. In my experiences, most of the bitches that I know didn’t get nowhere or everywhere because there’s nothing but negative thoughts inside her mind. When my family moves to my hometown again about 3 years ago, I was devastated. My hopes are derailed by these because I’m afraid that I cannot fit myself in the society that never wanted to understand the person that I am. After a year of observation, I think it’s time to move on with the life that I had. Although, it sounds frustrating but I decided to listen to someone who really loves me more. Since the technology is very sophisticated, I reached them with it.

About the bitch themselves, some of them will never change. If you see them, just being not too much with them. They’re like a snake. Not because you’re hating them or being everybody’s friend but the best way is being ready for anything. We don’t have to give them a second chance to bite us like they used to but my advice if you’re still have a doubt, just be neutral but don’t seek for revenge that’s all. As for myself, I managed to escape from all of that and even meet the new one. As I was now being aware of the danger, I know how teach them a lesson; a lesson that they will never forget for the rest of their life. I am not a kind of person that takes a fist of fight but I was born to fight with my mind. By all means, I don’t hurt people easily at least I was really in danger. I don’t know karate or whatever kind of martial arts in this world but I know how to protect myself.

Dance With The Devil, Sing With An Angel

2011-08-21T08:15:00.000+08:00

* Photo source by aareps(Flickr)

If I was only a poker card, I would be called ‘Jack’ / ‘Joker’. Yup, I can be anywhere and be someone else completely than my real characters. I admit, they would be surprised that I’m not funny kind of person or not a serious kind of person. Most of the people that I know had told me that I had that kind of acting talent. They can say that and perhaps you too as well. Everyday, I would deal with different characters of people. The can be an angel or a devil. So, in order to survive to fit in the unpredictable kind of society that I live in, I had to dance and sing along with them. When I’m with the devil, I will dance with them and when I’m with angel, I will sing with them too. I’m in between in both worlds but I won’t betrayed to those who good to me. I know what is right and what is wrong. All I want is to become friends to everybody. Some of my friends had told me that I am suitable for diplomats. Well, hope so because I never really knew about that kind of job or the environment that will be faced with. I hope that someday justice will be done. I don’t want to see people suffer from their pain which is caused by another people. Maybe it’s only a dream but this dream is real too and maybe someday, I could be a diplomat because I dare to do fight for love and happiness.

Disappear Without A Trace

2011-08-18T13:30:00.001+08:00

* Photo source by Tomatoskin(Flickr)

Once, I’ve ever thought this idea but then since I had no money and nowhere to run, I have to abandon it all. I hope when I am at the new place, I can be the new person that certainly leaving all my past behinds. I want to start a new life as someone that nobody cares about. But what can I do. I feel I was totally trapped here forever. Even if for one day, surely, someone will find me. I just don’t know why am I that so important to most people. Most of them are using me but I don’t give damn about it. Until one day, I thought the idea of disappearing is seems to be good enough because I saw an article about how they make themselves disappear. What a crazy idea but it’s true I want to do it but then as I said before, I had no money and nowhere to run which had made me to forget this idea. Well, I’m asking this question, would anyone care if I’m disappearing just like that? I hope I knew the answer.

The Secret Of Your Birthday Color

2011-08-09T13:42:00.005+08:00

* Photo Source by VISITKARLE (Flickr)

Want to find out the secret personalities of your birthday color. Check this one out...

If your birthday is between.... Birthday Color
> > December 23rd ~ January 1st = Red
> > January 2nd ~ January 11th = Orange
> > January 12th ~ January 24th = Yellow
> > January 25th ~ February 3rd = Pink
> > February 4th ~ February 8th = Blue
> > February 9th ~ February 18th = Green
> > February 19th ~ February 28th = Brown
> > February 1st ~ March 10th = Aqua
> > March 11th ~ March 20th = Lime
> > March 21st = Black
> > March 22nd ~ March 31st = Purple
> > April 1st ~ April 10th = Navy
> > April 11th ~ April 20th = Silver
> > April 21st ~ April 30th = White
> > May 2st ~ May 14th = Blue
> > May 15th ~ May 24th = Gold
> > May 25th ~ June 3rd = Cream
> > June 4th ~ June 13th = Grey
> > June 14th ~ June 23rd = Maroon
> > June 24th = Grey
> > June 25th ~ July 4th = Red
> > July 5th ~ July 14th = Orange
> > July 15th ~ July 25th = Yellow
> > July 26th ~ August 4th = Pink
> > August 5th ~ August 13th = Blue
> > August 14th ~ August 23rd = Green
> > August 24th ~ September 2nd = Brown
> > September 3rd ~ September 12th = Aqua
> > September 13th ~ September 22nd = Lime
> > September 23rd = Olive
> > September 24th ~October 3rd = Purple
> > October 4th ~ October 13th = Navy
> > October 14th ~ October 23rd = Silver
> > October 24th ~November 11th = White
> > November 12th ~ November 21st = Gold
> > November22nd ~ December 1st = Cream
> > December 2nd ~ December 11th = Grey
> > December 12th~ December 21st = Maroon
> > December 22nd = Teal

-----------------------------*RED*----------------------------

You are the cute and lovable type. You are picky but always in love...and
likes being loved. Fresh and cheerful, but can be "moody" at times. Capable
with people, nice, soft and they can love you for the way you are. Likes
people who are easy to talk to and can make you feel comfortable.

---------------------------*CREAM*---------------------------

Competitive and sportive. Don't like losing and always cheerful! You are
trustworthy, and very out going. You choose love carefully and don't fall
in love easily. But once you find the right one, you don't let go for a
long long time.

------------------------*TEAL*------------------------

You are mostly interested in your looks and have high standards in picking
love. You think and make a solution precisely and hardly make stupid
mistakes. You like to lead and is easy for you to make new friends.

-------------------------*GREY*--------------------------

You are attractive, and active. You never hide your feelings and express
everything that's inside. But can be selfish at times. You want to be
noticed, and don't like to be treated unequally. You can brighten up
people's day. You know what to say at the right time, and you have a good
sense of humour.

-------------------------*GREEN*-------------------------

You get along well with new people. You are not really a shy person, but
sometimes you can hurt people's feelings by your words...You like to be
loved and noticed by your lover, but mostly you are single waiting for the
right person.

-------------------------*GOLD*--------------------------

You know what's right and what's wrong for you. You are cheerful and out
going. It's hard for you to find the one you want, but once you find the
right person, you won't be able to fall in love again for a long time.

---------------------------*PINK*---------------------------

You are always trying your best in everything, and like to help and care
for other people. But you are not easily satisfied. You have negative
thoughts, and you look for the sort of romantic love only found in
fairytales.

---------------------------*YELLOW*---------------------------

You are sweet and innocent. Trusted by many people, and have a strong
leadership role in relationships. You make good decisions and make the
right choices at the right time. You dream of a romantic relationship.

--------------------------*MAROON*-------------------------

You are intellegent, and know what's right. You like to make things go your
way, which can sometimes cause trouble for not thinking about other
people's feelings. But you can be patient when it comes to love... Once you
get a hold of the right person, it's hard for you to find a better love.

-------------------------*ORANGE*---------------------------

You are responsible for your own actions, and you know how to treat people.
You always have goals you look towards, and are competitive. When it comes
to friendships, you find it hard to trust someone, but once you find the
right friend, you trust them for ever.

----------------------------*PURPLE*--------------------------

You are mysterious, never selfish and get interested in things easily. Your
day can be sad or happy depending on your mood. You are popular between
friends but you can act stupid at times, and forget things easily. You go
for people who are trustworthy.

-----------------------------*LIME*-----------------------------

You are calm, but easily stressed out. You get jelous easily, and complain
over little things. You can't get stuck into one thing,but you have a
capable personality for everyone to trust you and like you.

--------------------------*SILVER*----------------------------

You are imaginative and shy, but you like trying new things. You like to
challenge yourself. You learn things easily, and like "Hard to get". Your
love life is usually hard and confusing.

---------------------------*BLACK*----------------------------

You are challenging, and have the "guts". But you don't like changes in
your life. And once you make a decision, you keep it that way for a long
time. Your love life is also challenging, and different.

--------------------------*OLIVE*----------------------------

You are warm and light hearted. You seem to flow well with friends and
family. You don't like violence and know what's right. You are kind and
cheerful and don't envy other people easily.

---------------------------*BROWN*---------------------------

You are active and sportive. It's hard for other people to get close to
you, but you fall in love easily. But once you find out you can't get
something, you give up and let go easily as well.

---------------------------*BLUE*---------------------------

You have low self-esteem and are very picky. You are artistic and like to
fall in love, but you let your love pass by, by loving with your mind, not
your heart.

---------------------------*NAVY*-------------------------

You are attractive, and love your life. You have a strong feeling towards
everything and are very easily distracted. Once you get angry at someone,
its hard for you to forgive them.

---------------------------*WHITE*-------------------------

You dream and have goals in your life. You get jealous easily and you don't
react to things easily. You are different and sometimes thought of highly
by others.

---------------------------*AQUA*-------------------------

Your feelings change suddenly and easily. You are always lonley, and like
travelling. You are truthful, but listen and believe other people too
easily. It's hard to find love for you, and get lost in love easily.
Sometimes you also get hurt by love.

The Little Brief Reunion

2011-07-24T14:13:00.002+08:00

* Photo source by Brass Tacks UK(Flickr)

It’s almost 20 years I’ve never met my ex-classmates, Lin and Lucas. It was like a dream when finally the friends I’m looking for. They’re all over me for all these years and it seems like my superstar status hasn’t come to finish line yet. I’m just like a diva for some of my ex-classmates but I don’t think so because I’m always feel that I was the same person way back almost 20 years ago. If it’s not maybe I had change because now I am no more afraid to speak over my mind. I had learned that from my ex-collegemates. Thanks to them, I had finally overcome my greatest fear of all times before. Perhaps, that’s the reason people started to come and leave me. They come and go but these memories that I had in my mind, I certainly can’t erased it easily.

Lin had quit her school when she was in form 4 and so does Lucas. When I finally spoke to her yesterday, she had told me that she had married once before she’d married to her second husband whose now work in the army. She had divorced her first husband because some irreconcilable differences between them. All I can so is to listen to all of her story. She’s now having four kids and still study at some college. I am very happy for her to pursue her dreams and raising her kids in the hard time back in the earlier days. She had told me that Ita had talked about me all the times. Yup, that singer superstar of course and we’re missed each other so much.

As for Lucas, he’s now happily married with four kids and his Indonesian wife from Kalimantan. I said, not bad after all. He’s a labourer but then, I’m really happiy for him because for all these years I’m always think of him too. He’s small, cute and nice guy but I tell you what I never harbored a crush on him. I really don’t like people to bully him around. Now he’s grown up and no longer small as he should be and then, I realized we’re all at 30s. Lucas had met Kelam. Lin and I had lost her contact for so many years. As I went to Miri last to pursue my studies, Christine had told me that Kelam had becomes her classmates way back two years before I came to Miri. I heard she went to studies at some college but then until few years later, then I know she was a housewife and lives nearby in this town.

I exchange my stories with mine a little bit and since Lin had talked about David, I’ve told her that he had transformed himself into a very beautiful woman. Well, Lin couldn’t stop thinking of him ever since she left the school and David is our first classmates who quit the school before Lin and Ita made their way as well. As for Ita, she’s busy shooting for her album and her shows. Talk about myself, I’ve told them, I am happily with my job even if I did not landed at the first class job with first class education. I do because for me I had nothing better to do and then again, I don’t want to hurry to find a job just because I am getting older. I want to make my own business and I exactly know where I’m going. I don’t need others approval too.

As for that I don’t need to become part of Romy & Michelle style because all I can see now, I had prove that I had pursue my dreams come true. Lin says I had change and I had made a bold statement against some people that I really think they should be taught to open someone else’s idea. I am fighting for freedom of choice and justice. I will continue this. For Lin and Lucas, I really wish they had a good time. Not matter how bad the weather that time, nothing can stop us to meet and talked about the old days. I’m just wondering for second, why did I bring about my boss into discussion? Hmm… he’s nice man by the way. (^_^) No planning to get married either and still enjoy my single and independent life. I’m looking forward to meet all of my ex-classmates in the future too and who knows, maybe we can make big reunion too.

Summer Rain ~ 2011 Eternal Memories Mix ~

2011-07-22T14:00:00.000+08:00

* Photo source by Lala Lands(Flickr)

Thinking of the stories of my crush all the way back to my college old days, I really happy for him right now. He has three boys in his family. Hmmm… sounds like he was like David Beckham and Victoria Beckham (a.k.a. Adam). As for myself, I am continued to live with my singles life. I don’t know what to call it. I’m not completely happy or either unhappy with my life. I had a duty to carry on. Whether I like it or not, it’s now depend on me now to create better world to live by. You might don’t understand but one day, you’ll see what I really mean for that. As the time goes by suddenly, someone had harbored crush over me. No, not from my college friends but he was the one that never in million years I thought it could be. Well, I don’t want to mention this longer and keep it for another entry then. Well, for a long time, it’s true that time heals this pain my heart. Summer rain always brings me a lot of memories and I’m going to keep it deep inside my heart. Oh yes, if I had a chance one day, I want to meet him and his family. I’m just wondering about him sometimes. I’m always smiled thinking of our old days you know. It’s too hilarious but then you had gone away on summer day. I wonder if I could meet you someday, would you remember those were crazy days we’ve been together. I guess you don’t want to admit those but I’m sure deep inside your heart you always remember it. I thought summer rain had washed it away now and I hope that one day, we will meet again.

The Loneliest Person In The World

2011-07-17T14:15:00.000+08:00

* Photo source by Ben Heine(Flickr)

Bella is one of my friends but we’re not really close then. Although, we’re not the best friends, I admire he thoughts lately. Whether she just copied this philosophy from others or came from her mind, I agree that when she said the person who tries to keep everyone happy and cares for every one is always the most loneliest person (in the world ~ I add that one, Bella). Well, I agree with this but to tell truth, I’m really used to get alone. I feel that this kind of life is more comfortable. I know it sounds very sad and Kevin once had told me that I’ll never get a man if I keep hiding my feeling. I guess he knew that I am a shy kind of person. Strange isn’t it? You care everyone else but in the end, you get alone. You know, I hate myself hurting anybody else. Sometimes, I feel that I’m a little possessive. This kind of feeling is making everyone else runaway from me. Rather than being upset most of the times, I would like to get alone and you can say I am just hiding. I admit, I am mysterious to most people and no doubt easily gets curious. Some other times, they’re easily put me down just because I look like an easy target for them. I am not and more dangerous than what they had in their mind. I don’t kill people. That’s not my thing even if how I eager wanted to do it. I don’t easily damage things. I’m just like a kind of people who walks away and I’m taking them to justice with my own style with the legal way.

Confession of the Stunt Girlfriend ~ConFusion Stunt Mix~

2011-07-09T15:00:00.000+08:00

"You're right, boy! Wanna ask me to become your girlfriend to shoo her away?"

Whether it was the intention to run, misunderstood or whatever reason it is I am still glad becoming a stunt girlfriend. I cannot stop smiling thinking of this. You know what, my boy friend was really shy to ask me to become his stunt girlfriend until he slowly told me that the girl next door I mean the girl next to this shop where I work was trying to get his attention. Clearly, he doesn’t like that girl but I’ve told him before to face her like an adult if he wants to become like one. I was puzzled when I heard his story at the beginning until his mom confirm the story which she’s also didn’t know anything abut it. I guess everyone is confused by his actions. I’ve told her I just don’t know but as if it’s like that well, there’s nothing I can do about it. I say, good luck and keep on acting like I was his girlfriend then.

Anderson and I: The News Junkie

2011-07-07T14:50:00.000+08:00

Believe it or not!!

It’s not my intention to know almost everything but it seems like the news always breaking into me just like that. I am no paparazzi either. If I’m going to share some interest with World TV personalities, you guys won’t believe that I am sharing my interest with CNN anchor Anderson Cooper. Like he does, I’m a news junkie too. Well, I won’t jump into TV career too easily if I’m given a chance to do it. I’m like a person who sits back and watch the show. Actually, it’s fun to be the news junkie but the drawback is almost everybody hates you because they’re the last person who gets the new. I bet almost everybody hates Anderson too. Well, if next time or one day I’ll meet him, I’ll say, “You’re cool!”

The Promise ~ Short Ver.~

2011-06-30T16:04:00.001+08:00

* Photo source by Amy-Q (Flickr)

Talked about promise, I really doesn’t like it. Honestly, I’ve been broken hearted for so many times because of promises and then again, I had broken other people’s heart too. It’s never really cool at all. However, my dad had told me that not every promise must be fulfilled because sometimes, God had a better plan along the way for every human that they’re deserved for. Maybe he’s right after all.

Boys Love Boys, Girls Love Girls ~Boys♥Girls Mix~

2011-06-05T10:00:00.001+08:00

Yeah, I would marry her...

Yeah, while I’m in the middle and the fact is we’re all made some mistakes when we’re falling in love with someone. In my case, well, although I never seriously fall in love with somebody just like I did mentioned earlier on many entries, well, I did had a crush with many wrong person in my life. Perhaps, that’s made me become so afraid to fall in love with somebody now. But it doesn’t mean I didn’t open up my heart to anybody. It is just that I’d rather stay there and enjoy the show. Boys do love boys and as a friend to the boys who love boys, well, I don’t understand myself why I’m being so nice to this people. It seems like I had approved this taboo relationship. Way back to my old days in my college, there are girls falling in love with me. This is no joke but you know what, I don’t really care about it and then, they just leave. Perhaps, they thought I was like lesbian or something because the way I admire woman in my life. What’s wrong being admire woman or girl anyway?

Those beautiful celebrities on television and magazines, it’s pretty normal to me. I’m still contacted these two girls who falling in love with me. Like I said, I just sit there and watch them while flirting around with me. Maybe they’re serious with me but I don’t want to do it. I’m just an ordinary old-fashioned woman. But hey, it’s really safe befriends with them. I thought gay life is pretty dramatic to me. I cannot imagine boys are kissing boys and girls are kissing girls in sexual way. I cannot imagine that. Sometimes, I teased my gay friends as I’ve told them I really like Angelina Jolie to marry me but I don’t want her to nag me all the times. Everything left in mystery to most of them. I’m just hoping that my soulmate will come to me someday. I just want a man whom I can call a boyfriend, friend, lovers and husband who loves me and my child(ren). I’m still searching for them.

Thank You, Nick

2011-06-04T13:03:00.004+08:00

Well, I cry to see this too. Not mentioning if I see him live in front of me...

If only that life is so simple. It’s harder than what that I think before. I keep on crying and crying but something had bring me back to life. After all, I think it seems like this life had no hope at all until I saw this video. Oh my God, I’ve told to myself. He had no legs and no limbs. I look at myself, damn, I’m so, so lucky. What happen to me? Why I can’t be like that? Why not me? I had courage again when I had read his story. Sometimes, when we no hope for life, we feel like it’s better to end it but in my case, I want to run as far as I could. I don’t want to do something like he did. He survived the death and I really think that he had met God. Maybe that’s the reason that he had hope for life again. It’s true the bullies can’t go anywhere. They only talk the talk and not walk the talk. When I feel like I needed someone advice, I will searched for him. I change a lot of things about my mind. Even if I can’t thanked him personally, I was so happy that God had given me a chance to see how lucky that I was born complete. I want to stay positive and enjoy the wonderful life. Even if there’s the haters but I made myself occupied. It seems like he had asked me to enjoy everything and to appreciate what I had which given by God. This is my gift and I finally accept what is the best and what is worst about me. Thank you, Nick. I cannot stop to say that forever.

Good Girl Gone Bad ~ Really Bad (Not Really!!!)

2011-05-27T15:00:00.000+08:00

* Photo source by doug88888(Flickr)

Currently, I didn’t really like the world that I’m living in. This year, the list of haters perhaps longer than I thought. There are less people in town I really like. There are no favorite people at all except my father here. However, I’m trying to gather all the clues to solve the puzzle before it’s too late. This time around I had faced many difficulties but in the end, I had nothing to afraid off. It’s time to take a really damage control. At least, I’m telling the truth. If they wanted a bigger fight, I give them one. I don’t really like to become rude but they’d asked me to become rude and I swear I will do it if I had to do it. Many times, I’ve told myself to stay calm and many times I’ve told myself not to care about it but maybe it’s time to stand up against the wind. The people that I know were no longer nice. They had turns wicked and I decided to do the same with them. Yes, I know it’s wrong but I had to show them some of my colors. I don’t want them to bully me all the times as if I didn’t talk back or looks didn’t care much.

Yesterday, I had told my uncles that I’m can no longer giving them a chance to reconcile with some of the people that we know. I don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t want to waste my time begging them forgiveness or whatever they called it. My name had been already tarnished by them. I’m telling them straight and if I said no, it will be no. I am definitely stood on my word. That’s the truth. Even if my dad doesn’t want to do it, I will do it by myself. This is 21st century and yet this place had no longer become a ville. Sooner or later, this place will become a town. Everybody had a busy life ahead and so do I. I had stopped calling my other relatives three years ago and I had decided to stop reconcile with my sister too. For me, if there’s turning back, it will be long time ago and definitely now right now and maybe also in the future. Whatever they’d called me, I finally understand why I can’t be with them anymore but I have to complete some tasks to build the destiny of my life.

It was already written in the stars and I had to admit, most of it can’t be altered. I can’t tell a people that I had such greatest talent which is given by God. If I’m telling they will call me nut and they’d already me weirdo, crazy, mad, all that names, wicked names they had given to me. Well, in the meantime, I don’t know about the future and I had refused to predict even if I already know. I’m just hoping to change it somehow. Maybe, my wounded heart will be healed by times or maybe not. I just never really wanted to know. It’s really being a normal human even if my dad had told me that “We’re human but not the same species”. He was right about that. The glimpsed of the future is too terrifying to me and it seems like everything comes to reality as I had lost everything that once I had. Never mind about what they thought about me as long as God already know I had conveys his message to almost everyone and it’s really needs sacrifice. I hope that one day, everybody can lives happily.

My Simple Single Life And The Complicated Proposals

2011-05-19T15:48:00.002+08:00

Isn't it beautiful? Just like Lena Fujii did with her wedding dress. Wanna have something like that too...

I had discussed this matter in the earliest entry and I would bring this up again. It’s all about marriage (AGAIN!!!). in my age, most of the women especially my girl friends are already married and blessed with (a) child(ren). As for myself, I had chosen different direction. While living in complicated society, like I’ve said before I am lucky that my parent didn’t force me to get married while surprisingly, the outsiders seem like didn’t like the idea. Although they may indirect and directly told me to follow their footsteps, all I can say about myself is I am very stubborn kind of woman. I had a reason to be a stubborn because marriage needs a lot of consideration. There must be time, financially and mentally stability in order to start a family. Well, before I broke someone else’s heart or a heart of my own, it’s better for me to keep single. When the right time was coming for me, yup, there I go with my soulmate of my heart.

Sandara and Me: The Beautiful Nail Art

2011-03-19T14:35:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, Wan and I had watched the music video from Sandara Park of 2NE1 called Kiss. To be honest I never really knew about Sandara well because I’m not really a fan of Korean wave stars until Wan had told me that Sandara was part of 2NE1 member. At least, I knew Lee Min Ho because he stars on the famous Korean drama called Boys Over Flower. Too bad, I thought Lee Min Ho is going to sing along with Sandara but he’s only features on her video. Wan had teased me that my nail art is really looks like Sandara’s nail. He was so impressed and even thought I was copying my style. I swear I never saw it before. This nail art style had created all by myself, alright! Well, it is just a coincident and I really didn’t know it. By the way, that music video is just like a drama and I really like it as well as her songs too. Love to listen to song over and over again. At least, my nail art got famous in South Korea now. Oh yes, if I at Sandara’s shoes too in this video, I would slap him too.

BLACK DIAMOND For Wonder Woman

2011-03-18T14:25:00.000+08:00

“Excuse me, I never saw the black diamond before”, said one of my close friends. Well, I don’t even know if it existed but because it’s black, so assumed it was unique. Most my ex-collegemates thought that I was living happily in my hometown but what they didn’t know that I’m always lived in fear. Not only fear of being hurt but also fear for losing people around me. Suddenly, one day, my collegemates had sent me an email which she had told me about her hectic life. She had confessed that she’s also lives in fear too. Fear of almost everything. I understand her feeling very well. Not only on the street, even the neighborhood is no longer safe like it used to. You’re not the only one my friend. Even the whole country is in chaos too. It’s just that the real war is not there yet and I’m never hoping for that too. So, living in the most chaotic place isn’t made everything upside down. Now, I’m started to show the other side of me too. I’m no longer afraid and started to fight back with different ways. I’m showing my true colors now.

Facebook and Games Club

2011-02-27T20:00:00.001+08:00

One of my favorite games... Cafeworld

I never thought I would compete with the people around the world. Part of me feels excited and the other part feels nervous. I’m taking it too slow and steady when I’m play the games while the others are compete until hundred levels. I’m now at level 80+. That is so lovely I guess. It’s been a year I’ve been played Cafeworld on the facebook. The hardest games on the facebook that I’ve ever play is Frontierville. Sorry, perhaps, for some people it might be the easiest but for me, it’s not like that. I hate the games that used to many energy levels just like Treasure Isle. I’m almost giving up this game but luckily, I was saved by some friends who’s dedicated to this game. The other games that I had discontinue such as Fishville, Yo!Ville and Fashion World. Perhaps, I will reconsider these games in the future. New games I’m started to play such as CSI Las Vegas, Pet Society, Fame Town and Mall World. I’m also had tried to play Ravenwood Fair lately. Like I said, I’m taking it slow and steady. Well, if there’s any good games to come in future, I would like to try it too.

Too Old or Too Young?

2011-02-22T23:00:00.000+08:00

I was surprised that most people had told me that I was too old than my actual age. Oh God, what happen to me? Last time, people told me that I’m very young and now, I look very old. It’s not an embarrassment but I feel I need to take care of my skin, I guess. I welcome my wrinkle with pride but too old than actually age? I think I should reconsider my eating habit too. One of the nutrionist had told me that my body is really like 50 year-old woman. Twice of decades than my actually age, oh no!!!! I hate diet but I think I should reconsider everything from the scratch.

CGC ~Facebook X Twitter ver.~

2011-01-29T13:05:00.004+08:00

* Photo source by Josef (Flickr)

Thank you for all of you whose still with me for all these years. Catch more CGC stories on facebook on twitter as well. I guess it’s never too late to say Happy New Year 2011 to all of you out there. Thank you again… (^_^)V

Facebook: Facebook - Cosmic Girl Channel
Twitter: Twitter Cosmic Girl Channel

Mind Your Extremism

2010-12-12T12:00:00.001+08:00

* Photo source by Josef (Flickr)

Everytime I helped someone else, it feels like I was the one who needs help very badly. Although, I’m having a terrible crisis for a long time, well, for this time, I choose to control over pressure. It sounds pathetic but yeah, it’s my life and who cares about my life anyway. Recently, I had a little feud with some people regarding on expressing the opinion. Some people hate someone who cares to give an expression of the opinions. Now, I choose myself to express my opinion extremism thought to the public. Clearly, most of the people in the state don’t know about it all. I bet they never know about terrorist either. Sadly, when it happens next time, it’s all too late. We can only see the damages. Some might decide to hunt them down and the others are chosen to protect a family, then again, some turns mad and the others don’t care at all. I’m as well having friends whose come from the country who had been destroyed by the terrorist. Their country had been destroyed long before the terrorists had destroyed North America in 2001. The question is, could this happen to my country? The answer would be “yes” but I don’t know when. So those who thought that it’s a government conspiracy, a myth or whatever you call it, the point is everything it seems too late.

New Wise Resolution For Life

2010-12-11T18:00:00.000+08:00

* Photo source by ElbtheProf (Flickr)

I don’t have to wait for another year to make a resolution because I know I won’t do it. If I’m given myself another time to do it, then another and another, I know it’s not going to work. Well, for real, if the change is good, I’ll go for it in no time. I’m tired, exhausted and most of all, I’m easily angry when the thing that I want is getting harder to catch. Wait a second, I thought, it’s that what I want for myself? What’s the meaning of victory if I lost my mind? I turn myself around and look at someone that’s close to me. My boss of course! For those who thought that he was a fool, they’re definitely wrong. I’ve learned a lot of things from him. I’ve learned the meaning of patient, appreciation and loyalty. At first, it’s hard to control my emotion but then slowly, I learned that things are getting nowhere if I don’t change the way that I am right now. When the hard situation hits me again, now, I’m become wiser. I’ll never let them to hit me twice. When they’re wanted to hit me again, I’ll hit them back. In the upcoming year and when the situation is getting harder, I really hope that I can handle it better. I’m always prayed to God to give me more strength of patient.

The Evil God and The Wise Angels

2010-12-10T16:10:00.000+08:00

* Photo source by Tiquetonne2067 (Flickr)

Like I said before, I feel like being emotionally blackmailed every single day by the people who called themselves a God. For 30 years, I played myself as a human being and now it’s time to change as I decided to play a role of an angel. Not just an ordinary angel but I just wanted to show them, there’s only one real God. As I had regained my faith to fight the evil, I’m also wanted them to know it’s not wise to build a new so-called paradise / hell on Earth too. Between insanity and reality, I know I had chosen the reality even if they’d called it insane and I definitely knows that God will granted my wish too.

Reinventing My Blog

2010-12-09T17:00:00.000+08:00

Like Madonna, Lady GaGa too had reinvent her looks from time to time. Well, I guess my blog should be like that too...

You know, I really admire Madonna. She manages to reinvent herself looks according to the taste of her music in every album. I agree with Lady GaGa too, the art of music is about to express ourselves according to the taste of the music. If my blog is just like an expression of art to my life, well, this is it. However, it’s not all about doing any controversial situation because for me, it’s vulgar. Well, in my opinion, different people had different ways of expressing themselves. So, it should be no problem. Whether I’m gone to dark or light style, well, you have to wait for next year.

Replacement Friends

2010-11-19T08:00:00.003+08:00

* Photo source by woosra (Flickr)

Like I’ve said for so many times, I complain over and over again about this many too. I don’t have many good friends here in my hometown. Instead, I was alone actually. Here I go again, lost in the middle of nowhere until I realized the technology had connected all of us. But then, when I came back to reality it feels like I was very lonely. That’s the reason I don’t want to make close friends to anyone sometimes. I’ve been hurt all the times when it comes to this topic. I was left just like that and sometimes, I’ve tried to run and always run away from people forever. I want to leave me alone but I can’t. Something in me makes everyone adores me very much. I don’t know what but I think I had a special gift. Years had gone by, I found that one day, somebody wanted to reconcile with me but I’m hadn’t answer her for a long time although I had accepted her request on the facebook. Well, it’s Maria alright. Should I reconcile with her? I can’t answer this question because for all these years I feel bad about her. She had betrayed our friendship and leave me because of someone else.

It takes years for me to regain my trust. Well, I’m still remembering Violet had told me that… “Friends may come and go but one thing never change, true friends will keep in touch although they may far away like a moon and stars”. I found it’s true. When I had found new friendship with someone here in this hometown; suddenly I feel that it was collapsed. I’m very hurt when someone had leave things like that although I had informed earlier. It was no responsible at all. I got screwed up and around that time, I was facing lots of problems. I decided to leave and never wanted to talk about it again. Months after months, I had an urged feeling to find about her again but it seems like things are getting worse than ever. Well, for good reason, if he and she don’t wanted to bother about me again, why should I? Well, it’s time to leave and say goodbye. Sometimes, I asked myself why I’m not doing this at the first place. Well, I’m damn fool of course. Now, I’m saying goodbye to Rina and Richard. Have a blast and wish both of you all the best. I’m not angry to both of them. Maybe I should give them spaces.

Ever since both of them had leave my life for good, although, sometimes I feel my life turns upside down, well, I still manage my life slow and steady. Maybe in the future I won’t give in anymore to people here in my hometown. There are more lies that I can see if I continue to give them my goodness to them. I will only give the best of me for the honest people only. Talk about Violet, I remember Wei Shan, no matter how far away that she is, she will always remembers me and even invited me to her wedding next year. Ever since she was studying abroad in UK, she had told me that she could never stop thinking about me. We had lost contact for years and reunited by the facebook too. I don’t think she’s only thinking about me, perhaps, she’s always mentioning about me in front of her friends too. I’m very very happy about that too. There’s nothing in this world could replace this.

Well, before I forgot, when I think the other side of me and my duty, there’s something more beyond the friendship that I’ve been made with them. Next year, my fate is still unknown. Do I meet some new friends or some reconciliation that I should make? Maybe, it’s the best to leave it like that. It’s better not to mend it sometimes. Once it broken, I don’t really think that it can be mended and then again the history cannot be erase but we do can change the future. I choose my own future although; I like to go with the flow. So, I choose to be with my good friends that I’ve been made long long time ago. There’s no need a replacement anymore. They’re good people until the day I day. I’m always wanted them to know, they’re always be part of me even if my world is separated from them. I feel bad sometimes when I get to know about myself and my destiny. It’s not the end yet but the world that I’m stepping now is just the beginning…

A Love For XX ~Days LIFE Remix~

2010-11-18T11:00:00.000+08:00

* Photo source by pintavelloso (Flickr)

No, I’m not saying that I’m fear of falling in love and being hurt but right now, suddenly I feel like I must started to work on something. Yeah, sounds like unfinished job but that’s me alright. I can’t say about it because it was very hard to explain but somehow, if I was destined to fall in love d married the one that I must love, well, what can I say. It was the God’s will. Many people don’t know that I am very much religious but in my point of view I tend not to show off how religious that I am. It’s enough to know that I am not doing so much sin. I had duty to save everyone else including myself. These days I feel different seems to put the pressure on me until I don’t understand why that’s bother them very much. It’s none of their business anyway. I had a life that I’m wanted. Well, I know that some people tend to take advantage on me because I may looks like spoil innocent child but I’m really like to act dumb. It’s better to become dumb person than become a person who knows almost everything. I’m honest in my way but some people like to take advantage on me. These days I’m changing. If I said no, well, I’m brave enough to say no. I’m not worried about anything or even what they said about my life because it was for me and certainly not them. Love is not something to play with. Seriously, if someone says these four letters “L.O.V.E”, perhaps, it’s time to bring this matter to cold war for a while before it turns into two directions – GOOD OR BAD ROMANCE.

(un)Classy Job and Wonderful Experience

2010-10-23T17:40:00.000+08:00

* Photo source by Armadiliz (Flickr)

It’s been nine months I’ve working here. I like the fact that I had a wonderful experience with many people from all walks of life instead they’re calling this job is unclassy and plus, it doesn’t match with my qualification. Just like many people, I’m not only wanted to find experience but I need money too. I’m look up to many celebrities especially Madonna and George Michael before they had become the superstar. Indeed, I’m starting from the ground zero too. I don’t care what many people said about me, although, many people had told me that job is the most boring job ever in the town. Gosh, somebody must tell those who had a narrow minded to stop thinking closely inside the box. When the first time I took job, all I ever wanted is to have my own pocket money. I’m 30 and I need a job really bad. As long I don’t involve any criminal intention or whatever things that connected to it, I’m okay with this unclassy job. I don’t call it’s crappy when I’m being here but please stop complaining about my job anymore.

The Light of Hope

2010-10-01T14:00:00.000+08:00

* Photo source by bbp(Flickr)

I admit that recently I am almost giving up in the name of justice. I blame myself, I blame everyone else and even God. I want to run away as far as I could. I cry and keep on crying while lying in the bed. Not knowing when to stop suddenly, I saw a bright light shining over me and I can hear a man told me to stop crying. Then, he told me that everything is going to be fine and he asked me to give him a chance and even myself to see it all. Then, the light had gone. I don’t know who’s talking to me but I believe what I heard is true. Suddenly, I feel someone licking on my nose. When, I opened up my eyes, it was my cat after all. Then, I knew I was dreaming. Maybe it was God who’s telling me to not give up on hope. I knew my life would never be the same again. From that day, I can see the path I’m in. I will not giving up anymore. Thank you for giving me to see the hope and I will always pray to God to give me a chance to stay stronger day after day.

LOVE ‘n’ HATE Ayumi Hamasaki ~(miss)Understood SIGNAL mix~

2010-09-30T22:00:00.002+08:00

Love and hate Ayumi Hamasaki...

I’m quite pissed off with some people lately. I know, I know. My 30’s should be cheerful but it seems like I must accomplish something before I can celebrate it more peacefully. It seems everything that I’ve done now is simply wrong. I just can’t figure out why. For example, lately, I’ve been invited my friends to sing along in karaoke nights through one of the popular social network. Certainly not facebook, twitter, Friendster and myspace indeed. So, I did asked him to join me to sing to the karaoke song by Ayumi Hamasaki. Then, I had been offline for few days. When I did checked back on my post that I had posted the day before, guess what, it had been deleted. To my surprise, I had received an email from the moderator saying that the thing that I’ve said is too much as if he had charged me with the “explicit words” or he had called Ayumi Hamasaki’s name as obscenity. So, he changed Ayu’s surname and then again he had deleted some to become “Hamas***”. Maybe, he thinks something else and by the way the s*** did stand for the explicit meaning in my language but that is not the valid excuse for him to ban it because it was not his language either my mother language. What kind of moderator he is? I don’t know how he spelled the name of the place or city called Nagasaki or the brand of the vehicles called Kawasaki? If he doesn’t know about Ayumi Hamasaki, that’s fine with me but I can’t accept the fact that he was become the close-minded moderator that I’ve met in the cyber world. If I ever met him, I want him to stop become the moderator and give to someone else that job. If this moderator hate me because the name of Ayumi Hamasaki, I hope that he don’t hate her name but he can hate the way she sings and even her lack of dancing style.

CGC Special Edition: 6TH Anniversary x 7th Seasons

2010-08-14T16:43:00.001+08:00

* Photosource from Dave Delay(Flickr)

I know, I know. I should’ve written this entries about two months ago but I admit that I pretty much busy with my work. Oh well, I really love to deliver my blog anniversary speech to all of you. I really would like to say ‘arigatou gozaimasu’ for all your love to read my blog. Well, for those who love the interest and feelings, this is blog for you. It’s like a diary of my life but not really a diary. Well, what I had been doing for the past a year. A lot of hectic life and lot of progress towards justice, that’s what I’m doing right now. As I had started to work again, well, it’s not really an easy task. I’m not only had to deal with crappy customers but also I had to handle the injustice too. I had to act like a kid, police, an officer, teacher and a boss especially when dealing with young kids.

I’m started to feel irritated about myself. I’ve been emotionally blackmailed all the times and it feels like living nearly close to the land that called the lawless frontier. When nobody wants to listen to me when I’m screaming out loud at the top of my lung, I feel like losing all the things that I had. I had been outnumbered. When I need help, nobody comes to my rescue. That is reality. I’ve been tried to reach few people that I know, however, it has fallen into deaf ears. My friends are only watching helplessly the way I die. Maybe, they’re trying to figure out to help me or maybe not. I’m not going to blame my friends but I’m truly blaming the human that doesn’t have a heart. People had forgotten about love. Love teaches us the meaning of mercy but it had been gone.

I admit that, I can’t fight the people who are certainly living in the sky high. I’m not talking about God or angels but I’m talking about human. Their lives full with money and power. I’m different. I’m not rich and yet powerless but my faith to God and angels are never end. I’ve been tested over and over again. There’s the time I call it quits. So many times indeed but part of me feels that it shouldn’t end in this way. If I had to end this, I have to see how does the game is ending. I’m pushing myself to the limit. I’ve been tortured by my own family members. Two times making police report and there’s no action at all. Blame on myself for making enemies with one of the most powerful men in the country. Certainly not! I’m not going to blame myself over it. There are many people also had become his victims apart from me and my dad.

I still remember my friends had asked to lodge police report. I’ve told to my friend, it’s useless. It’s been two years I keep on waiting over and over again. I’m not afraid okay but when everything had fallen into deaf ears, who do you think that want to listen to me? It’s all lies when they’re talking about racial harmony or whatever they’re called it peaceful life living here. Maybe last time, it’s true but now, it feels like living in the hell. As if this had become my last will to all CGC readers and bloggers all over the world, I would like to say thank you to all of you for your support and keep on coming to my blog. I’ll see you in your dreams. But one thing that I’m always wanted all of you to know that I am not Ryoko Hirosue but I was her big fan. I was mistakenly thought that I was this beautiful actress.

There are many times, I’ve been mistakenly thought I was her. I was her big fan like I used to say in the previous entries. She’s beautiful and yes, I admire her. Many times I admire most of her characters in movies and dramas. If God give me a chance I want her to play me on my autobiography. I’m a fan of most of J-actors and actresses. I love their cuteness and when I need multiple personality, I turn to Hollywood celebs. I love J-music too. It’s hard t find people in my hometown who love J-entertainment but I know they prefer K-Waves better. Not because I’m not prefer K-Waves but in terms of cuteness culture, K-Waves need to work harder. I’m always in different direction and because of this I was threatened and blackmailed by many people especially my own family member.

They hate me for being taking different tastes and feels. They’re wanted to be pampered with useless words and being feeling all above from other people. In other words, they’re wanted to be respected. They’re feeling like they’re higher supreme from others. Well, as for myself I’m always goes for freedom. Anything and almost everything, I don’t know what they think about me but I just wanted they to know that we’re living in 21st century and there’s no more high and low ranking social status issue. Who needs that anyway? If they do wanted to work harder for money, show a little mercy and get over it. We’re all learning from history. Those status are already become the history. Sometimes, it’s not wrong to show how does life becoming rich is cool but remember, what we’re all had and seen is only temporary.

There are few times I feel depressed but all I can do is only hope and keep hoping about many things about life. There are more awaited for me. As I had reached the third decades, I found out that life couldn’t be easier than anything. I really wish to become a child and never grown up like a Peter Pan but time goes by. I must keep on moving faster against time. If anyone asked about love stories, yes, I would love to share but too bad, I’m just unlucky to find a good man to be by my side. But I’m always half-pessimist and half-optimist about love life. I’m never being too disappointed about that too. But I’m really fed-up with some people who think love can easily be taken just like that. I am different story. Probably, I may sound anti-dating but that’s the way I hide myself sometimes. I’m just afraid to fall in love with the wrong person.

This year, I had been learned to make friends. I did made a mistake but as if I’ve never learned but after the big damages cause by someone that I thought they’d care for me, well, I’m ready to take a serious actions against most of them. They can play around but surely I taught them in my way. I found most of the new generations are really dangerous but anyway, in terms of my dangerous isn’t like their way. They’re mind had been brainwashed with many sensitive issue which making me feel that life is pretty dangerous too. Whatever they may said about it, I think we’re all should given them good lesson about harmonious and peaceful life. It’s okay to break the rules sometimes but you know what, when rule had been broken what kind of satisfaction do we get then? Happy? I don’t think so.

What I’m looking for this year are certainly a justice and freedom. I’m happy to help others because if I’m helping others, I’m certainly helping myself. I don’t want to feel threatened anymore. I don’t want to feel depressed. If anyone think that’s cool, they’re certainly wrong because I am with my own way to fight for justice. Peace is what I’m looking for. Whatever they may think, I am always seeks for it. The real peace is meant to be achieve when everybody understand the meaning of the real loving and caring towards each other. When we’re still living in fears and hatred, these things cannot be achieved. What I hope that I keep on continue this mission till the day I die.

HAPPY 6TH ANNIVERSARY….

From your letter to my HEART

2010-08-05T21:00:00.000+08:00

* Photosource from j2aney(Flickr)

2 days ago, I had received a letter from my friend, Mend. We’ve met briefly on December last year but don’t really had times to exchange many stories. Few months later, I had wrote an email to him and asked about some friends as if he ever met them again. Well, in his email, he had told me he hasn’t met for couples of years. I did ask about our best and close friend. However, in his email, he told me he didn’t dare to give her any messages after the “Runaway Bride” incident. What I mean is she had call-off her wedding. Deep inside my heart, I know Mend had asked me to keep on moving, be patient and be strong as always. The truth is I was deeply hurt but his word had healed me and was become inspire to move on. I will fight for justice. Of course, I don’t choose my life in this way but he does given me lots of moral support, his hope for me to survive in difficulties and strength. I promise to him, I will not make him upset. Not only him but for everyone that lives by my side.

Glamorous Paparazzi X Beautiful Secret Agent

2010-07-24T19:40:00.000+08:00

* Photosource Davic (Flickr)

Is it only stunt publicity or just coincident? I was in my new mission to save myself and the world. Although it sounds pretty weirdo ridiculous, at least, this is my chance to make my dream comes true. I don’t have time to choose someone like paparazzi by taking lots of pictures and sell it to the papers. Bam! It’s very exclusive scoop of the lifetime. I don’t have very good qualification to become secret agent because I know, it won’t be too easy as it requires hide, seek, walk, run and most of all jump from one place to another. Story always running into me, however, I never ask for it. Maybe, this is life. I’m keeping too many glamorous and dark secret. Well, maybe I might consider my job as glamorous paparazzi or just being beautiful secret agent. Umm..maybe not!

Weight Obsession ~ Natural Nutrient Mix~

2010-07-22T15:10:00.000+08:00

I've learned to make oat pastries with the Nutrionist...

Yesterday, I was visiting Nutrionist with my dad. I know nothing about it until, I was there and listened about what I need to know about how am I going to keep and maintain in the good shape. It doesn’t mean to force myself to do diet but at least, I keep myself happy as I am. I don’t need to compete like what the others did and I had proved I’ve done it. I’m really unhappy before about myself and after I heard what she said yesterday, suddenly, I change my mind about myself. I thought I was completely okay but it turns out that I’m actually ‘very sick’ than my dad. Maybe, I should listen to my body from now on. I don’t know where should I start but I will do it as if there is so many days that I had wasted. I found out that I was very stress with many things but after I’m started to listen to her advice yesterday, all my worries had just gone just like that. Her words made me calm. Although, we just knew each other, it feels like years I’ve known her. Maybe, I really need somebody to talk with before. Honestly, I’m not really hnest with myself until I found myself again. From now on, I will focus on myself and being really what I’m really wanted.

Anna X Rinka For ViVi Mag

2010-07-15T13:00:00.001+08:00

Anna and Rinka for ViVi

I continue my hobby by collecting lots of ViVi mags. My other favorite ViVi cover girls are none other than Anna Tsuchiya and Rinka I bought ViVi mag as Anna had become the cover girl on December 2009 in Miri city as I had travelled to that city. Another one I had bought in Bintulu. Anna was semi-retired model, former lead singer of Spin Aqua who now becomes a solo singer and also an actress. I adore the way she is. However, I never really knew Rinka except I knew she was a solo singer that was popular with her song called ‘Maria’. I will feature more of my ViVi mags collections coming soon. So stay tune for more.

Don’t Say Goodbye Yet ~RR Mix~

2010-07-03T15:00:00.000+08:00

* Photo source from ♥HonBless♥ (Flickr)

I don’t know and why this is just happen to me. I’m always told myself to let it go. Well, it takes moths for me to let it go. But when I’m completely let it goes and almost had forgotten about what had just happen to me in the past. I just completely don’t understand how does something that I feared and hated so much had appeared again in my life. I know that trouble will soon appear all along after this. The truth is everytime I’m completely say goodbye to something, it seems like it’s coming back again to me and sometimes without my knowledge. However, I stand with my decision whether I like it or not. I don’t want anyone to blackmail me ever again. It’s really wasting my time to figure out what’s going on but I just can’t help it sometimes. Hate it when it comes back again and love to investigate what’s going on.

S Cawaii X Miliyah Kato

2010-07-02T12:00:00.001+08:00

Miliyah Kato with her Natural Country Girl Mix

Maybe this is not the first edition of S Cawaii but this is the first S Cawaii magazine that I bought months ago ago with Miliyah Kato as the cover girl. As for the model of S Cawaii, most of the girls are the familiar faces such as Natsuko Togo, formerly Cawaii model. Well, the models of S Cawaii apart from her are Megumi Ikeda, Aki Matsumoto, Seira Yoshida, Arime, Ayumi Uehara, Maino Hori and Ayaka Ikio. The scope of S Cawaii is not really much different as Cawaii. I’m always wonder, where have all the models of Cawaii had gone? I miss those girls like Naho Inoue, Yuu Fukunaga, Natsuki Fukuzumi, Asuka Hinoi, Hisayo Inamori, Manami Teramoto, Reira Kurihara, Yu Takahashi, Keiko Wakita, Arisa Kozutsumi, Tomomi Itano and Yuri Tsuji. As for the S Cawaii is not really that cheesier than Cawaii. Well, S Cawaii does have it own identity. About the cover girl of S Cawaii – Miliyah Kato, she has nice voice and surprisingly she had captured my attention. I will discuss about her on the next entry. In the meantime, I’m looking forward to buy the next edition of S Cawaii.

Goodbye, My Dear Friend… ~ RR Decision Mix~

2010-07-01T17:00:00.001+08:00

* Photo source from Michael Pancier Photography (Flickr)

Everything is just like a dream. Most everyone that I care and loved had gone now. The truth is I really wanted them to stay with me but the time is too cruel and then again, I can’t stop them to reach their hope, ambition and destiny, although, I had a vision that some of them end up in disaster. I must let it go, no matter how much disappointments that I’m going to get. Actually, I’m waiting for someone which I don’t think this person will wait for me. Even if I’m wrong, why it takes so long to tell the truth? I had made up my mind now. It’s no use at all and I feel like I’m wasting my time. If this person is going to blame me, I’m not going to blame him or even myself over it. I just feel that this is so unreasonable. I stand with my decision to let it go and I’m get over it no. maybe, it’s time to show my cruelness by saying goodbye. Actually, it’s not cruel but both of us must face the truth. I must be lying if I’m not hurt. It’s over. Goodbye, my dear friend…

Lovely Dish, Tastes Good

2010-06-29T16:30:00.000+08:00

Western style cooking. Yummy!!!...

Recently, my dad had cooked a very special for both of us. It was called the roasted pork with salad. I really love the taste. Well, hell with the diet thing that is never going to work with me but then, I believe in moderation. I’m wanted to learn this recipe from my dad and so, I can cook this like he did. Yep, I wanna taste it, eat it again! Love it very much.

Until The Last Drop Of Blood

2010-06-28T23:00:00.000+08:00

* Photo source from ChrisBrookesPhotography.co.uk (Flickr)

It’s really beautiful dream that I’ve ever seen in my life but then, I must face the reality that sometimes, this dream had a forbidden thing that I must watch out. Life is pretty short and I realize, I’m getting closer to the danger zone. Sometimes, I did asked myself to quit but I just can’t quit or just walk away. I have no choice because in the name of duty. I feel that my life is pretty unfair. If there is no tomorrow for me anymore, I’m just wanted to spend my life with my love ones until my last breath. I was cursed to become a fighter and will fight until the last drop of my blood. I won’t drop my tears just because I lose in the battle but just because I can’t be on my family side anymore just like I used to. Nobody knows about what I just felt in my heart. I won’t say that I’m losing faith on my own hope that I had now because surely, every living things in the world will die. What I just hope that to see the light of freedom which can bring peace to my mind, body and soul.

Whataya Want From Adam Rock Music?

2010-06-27T19:15:00.000+08:00

Adam Lambert
"Whataya Want From Me"

Hey, slow it down
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Yeah, I'm afraid
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

There might have been a time
When I would give myself away
(Ooh) Once upon a time
I didn't give a damn
But now here we are
So whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Just don't give up
I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Yeah, it's plain to see
That baby you're beautiful
And it's nothing wrong with you
It's me, I'm a freak
But thanks for lovin' me
Cause you're doing it perfectly

There might have been a time
When I would let you step away
I wouldn't even try but I think
You could save my life

Just don't give up
I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Just don't give up on me
I won't let you down
No, I won't let you down

So
Just don't give up
I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me

Just don't give up
I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
(Whataya want from me)
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

"Whataya Want from Me" is the second mainstream single by American pop vocalist and American Idol season eight runner-up Adam Lambert. It is the second radio single release off his debut album, For Your Entertainment and his first ever top 10 single on the Billboard Hot 100.

The song was written by Pink, Max Martin, and Shellback and was recorded by Pink for her fifth studio album, Funhouse, but didn't make it to the final cut. It was produced by Max Martin and Shellback, who have collaborated with Pink, Britney Spears, Katy Perry, and fellow Idols Kelly Clarkson, Daughtry, Allison Iraheta and Carrie Underwood.

"Whataya Want from Me" debuted at number 72 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100 on the week of January 2, 2010. Following his appearance as a mentor on American Idol (season 9) , the song reached #10, becoming Lambert's second Top 20 single (the first being his cover of "Mad World", which peaked at #19) and first Top 10 single on the Billboard Hot 100. The single has sold approximately 1,350,000 copies within the US [38], becoming his most successful single from For Your Entertainment to date.

"Whataya Want From Me" experienced the most chart success in Canada, where it reached the top 3 on the Canadian Hot 100 and has been certified 2xPlatinum. The single "WWFM" won the "Favourite International Video" award at the 2010 Much Music Video Awards (June 2010).

The single has also had considerable success internationally, placing high within Top 10 music charts in 20 countries.

My Friends X Mummy Dearest

2010-06-26T06:30:00.000+08:00

* Photo source from Ducatirider - The Original (Flickr)

I love my mum and still love her eventhough she had gone. I’m so lucky to have my late mother as my mother. In fact, everyone said that I look like mother but my toughness is inherited from my father. Years go back and my most my friends had a family now. They had lovely kids but as for myself, I do want a family but with the situation that I had been through now, I don’t think it’s appropriate to start a family of my own. Well, fun now, family later. I never become a mother of myself but then, some may think that I am good at mothering. There are few friends had asking me about me all of that and I’m only can advised them through the experience that I learned from many people that I know. I’m really sucks in parenting. Not only that, I’m sucks at mothering of myself too.

The Love For Lolita

2010-06-25T20:00:00.000+08:00

Gosh, I really love to wear that Lolita dress...

Not many people knows about Lolita and then again, it never been mentioned in our history subject during my school days. However, I know about Lolita since I was young because I really love to see the fairytale movie and drama. Lolita is all about elegant look and I really like to look like that. It feels like princess. If I can’t wear that in everyday life, I would like to wear that dress during costume party or during my wedding day. Well, maybe the wedding part is still part far, far away and still out of reach. LoL. I’m always imagined myself to wear something like that but hell no way. They will laugh at me but when I feel I don’t want to hear your approval, well, sometimes I did it with my Lolita version. My outfits are not enough. Skirts with laces and blouses are the only thing that I had. I wish to have hair accessories like head bow, headdress, hair corsage, hair ties, a hat or a bonnet. Apart from that, I would like to have full-length socks and Lolita shoes as well. Not bad for the petticoat too. It’s very nice and I really love to have it all.

French Manicure Revolution In Tatau

2010-06-24T20:00:00.000+08:00

Photo source from mskatee22(Flickr)

I really love French Manicure because it’s very classy and yet elegant. I had introduced these to few people here in my hometown. Some may love it and the other think it’s too much to take. In the other words, they’re just closed-minded. Well, I’m not going to waste my time anymore, waiting for the approval from these kinds of people. I’m moving on with my life. I realize that it’s getting popular although it was very slow to rise. I’m popularizing the French Manicure through kids and some housewives. Well, now, French Manicure got some fans now. Sometimes I cannot use acrylic nails. I have no choice to create my own style. The truth is most of the acrylic nails that had been sold in the most shop houses are not match with my nails size. I don’t need very much style. Simple is enough. Even if some says it’s weird but now, it seems like some had started to follow the style. Guess what, the French Manicure revolution in Tatau had just begun.

Thinking of You ~Holiday RR Mix~

2010-05-29T16:10:00.000+08:00

Don't have a mood for holiday...

Like I said before, I don't have a mood for holiday. Apart from waiting for an important duty on next month, I'm always thinking about someone right now. Yes, that is very same person who broke my heart. I'm just thinking what he's up to during this holiday. I admit that I'm giving up right now. I don't what else to say or how but my heart is just broken into pieces. I believe he's doing it because of the past trauma. He's started to feel about himself and thinking negatively toward every girls in his in his life. But I'm no fool in this game because I was inspired by the bittersweet experience of having a crush of a wrong person for so many times. I know it sounds foolish and deserved to be cursed or scold by anyone who'd read or never read this. Well, the upside is I just wanted to know whether he had change and if still not, I'm ready for the bad romance game. I don't do like Lady GaGa did. All I ever wanted is to flaunt a hot and sexy stunt boyfriend and so, he will cry. Sounds stupid right but I'll wait for the moment.

The Mirror of Trust ~Short Ver.~

2010-05-26T15:35:00.000+08:00

* Photo source from renidemus (Flickr)

I don't know whom to trust and what to believe anymore because these days, I feel like being betrayed by the people that I know and care so much. Then again, I feel like being dumped in the middle of nowhere. That was so cruel but I refused to give up right now because it's too late. It's nearly comes to end. Although, my level of trust is getting low, I'm still hope that God will show me that there is still kindness existing among us.

The Holiday Mood and Complicated Life

2010-05-20T15:30:00.000+08:00

* Photo source from neverlove13 (Flickr)

The holiday is coming but I don't have a mood for it. Some other times, I don't feel that it's necessary to me right now. It's really complicated but what kind of choices do I had given now? I'm completely in mess. I thought I want to quit this job but then, something had made me stop thinking about it. I'm always sympathy to my boss. Of course I know that he don't want me to know about his life but I'm on my way to save him. He said he don't need it but he's lying to me and to himself as well. I admit that I was really disappointed. However, the word that makes me cool down is 'PATIENT'. When I feel out of control, this word had made me remember to stay on track. Not only I must be patient with lots of thing including myself, I must stay focus with my duty. Well, that's why I feel that holiday is unnecessary to me right now but all I need just now is to clean the mess of my life.

The GAME of Top Secret Destiny

2010-05-19T21:00:00.001+08:00

* Photo source by Umair Ashfaq(Flickr)

It just like a dream comes true. I feel nervous but excited at the same time because now I'm into the intermediate level which my intelligence skill and guts to defend the justice. I had been tested with my strength from stage to stage and now, the game had been change. Whatever things happen in the future, it may be the combination of both or many. I admit I don't know about the future but the past and the present had become the key to open many good and bad secrets. I was ready to fight and always be ready anytime being needed to go to the battlefield. At the same time, I've been tested with my loyalty and love to someone dearest. For right now, if love happens maybe away from my indiscreet eyes. The game of destiny is still playing but nobody knows when or how it ends. Everything is still top secret.

HOME with Japanese Music

2010-05-13T08:00:00.001+08:00

Angela Aki
"HOME"

Sensai na ito de soboku na
Machi ni shibari dukerareteta goro
Miageru tabi ni sora wa utsushita,
Haruka ni tooi sekai wo
Chiisana basho wo ato ni shitekara
Dorekurai mou tatsu no darou
Home is calling

Furusato kokoro no naka de ima demo
Yasashiku hibiiteru
Sabishi sa ga shimi tsuita
Yume no nai yoru ni wa
Anata wo yonde iru

Tokai no sora ni yume wo takushite
Kokoro wo gisei ni shiteru
Yashin to ai no chouwa ga torezu
Daremo ga samayotte iru
Kazara nakatta seijitsu na hibi
Kono goro naze ka koishiku omou
Home is calling

Furusato taezu ni aishitekureta
Sonna hito no kao wo
Mou ichido mite mitai,
Kyoushuu ni karare
Anata wo yonde iru

Kako to ima no aida no tobari wo
Sotto hiraite miru to
Sora no wareme kara koboreru hikari ga
Meguru jidai wo sashite ita
Home is calling

Furusato kokoro no naka de ima demo
Yasashiku hibiku yo
Todomaru koto wo shira nai kibou ni
Mi wo makasete ite mo
Sabishi saga shimi tsuita
Yume no nai yoru ni wa
Anata wo yonde iru
Home is always calling out my name

Sabishi sa ga shimi tsuita
Yume no nai yoru ni wa
Anata wo yonde iru
Furusato wo yonde iru

"Home" was the first major label single by Angela Aki. It was released on September 14, 2005, and reached #38 on the Oricon Charts.

* Courtesy of WIkipedia/YouTube

Master of Disguises

2010-05-12T23:00:00.000+08:00

Photo source from Manuel Riguer(Kranio) (Flickr)

Top secret here and top secret there. Everything is top secret. If wanting to do top secret mission, the first thing, must become the master of disguises. I admit that i've been there and done that when i'm still in my school years and now, I'm doing it again for some purposes. Not only for myself but for the sake of everyone else. Now, i'm disguise myself like a teenage girl and I was succeed indeed. That because many people had fallen into my trick. They've said that my disguise aren't bad at all. It's my talent and it's in my gene too. I don't really goes for hot and sexy disguises. All I want is to become simple girl. That's the way i'm fooling around with the people. But then, I had found the better way to use it. Now, i used it to help people. Not for spying but for helping. That's the way it should be.

SUPER DREAM Maker

2010-05-11T23:00:00.000+08:00

* Photo source by 3nOna (Flickr)

I could write a book about what I've learned from my past experiences. From all of that, I had make my own paths. Maybe some people thought I was little bit unrealistic but I've seen it's coming. I tried to fit myself in this society with these kind of dreams but it seems like it's too difficult. My mind seems can't get over it but then, suddenly, something made me stop to worry about what people may think and would they've said to me. I don't need their approval to pursue any impossible dream that made by me. If I had to fight for it, well, I will do it but I won't be too fanatic about it. I'm still have a heart although some says I am cold and heartless. However, I'll make sure they remember my name and not to mess with me ever again. Well, being SUPER DREAM Maker is not just being a fantasy job, if you put the effort on it, you also can be like me.

Telephone GaGa Dark Tune

2010-05-10T01:00:00.001+08:00

Lady GaGa feat. Beyonce
"Telephone"

Hello hello baby you called
I can't hear a thing
I have got no service
In the club, you say? say?
Wha-wha-what did you say huh?
You're breakin' up on me
Sorry I cannot hear you
I'm kinda busy
(2x) K-kinda busy
Sorry I cannot hear you I'm kinda busy

Just a second
It's my favorite song they're gonna play
And I cannot text you with a drink in my hand, eh?
You shoulda made some plans with me
You knew that I was free
And now you won't stop calling me
I'm kinda busy

[Pre-Chorus:]
(2x) Stop callin'
I don't wanna think anymore
I left my head and my heart on the dancefloor
Stop callin'
Stop callin'
I don't wanna talk anymore
I left my head and my heart on the dancefloor

[Chorus:]
E-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e
Stop telephonin'
Me-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e
I'm busy e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e
Stop telephonin'
Me-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e
Can call all you want but there's no one home
And you're not gonna reach my telephone
Out in the club
And I'm sippin that bubb
And you're not gonna reach my telephone
Call all you want, but there's no one home
And you're not gonna reach my telephone
Out in the club
And I'm sippin that bubb
And you're not gonna reach my telephone

Boy the way you blowing up my phone
Won't make me leave no faster
Put my coat on faster
Leave my girls no faster
I shoulda left my phone at home
'Cuz this is a disaster
Calling like a collector
Sorry, I cannot answer

Not that I don't like you
I'm just at a party
And I am sick and tired of my phone r-ringing
Sometimes I feel like I live in grand central station
Tonight I'm not takin' no calls
'Cuz I'll be dancin'
I'll be dancin'
I'll be dancin'
Tonight I'm not takin' no calls
Cuz I'll be dancin'

[Pre-Chorus x2] & [Chorus]

[x3]
My telephone
Ma ma ma telephone
'Cuz I'm out in the club
And I'm sippin that bubb
And you're not gonna reach my telephone

(We're sorry, we're sorry
The number you have reached
Is not in service at this time
Please check the number, or try your call again)

"Telephone" is a song by American recording artist Lady Gaga from her second studio album The Fame Monster, featuring American R&B singer Beyoncé Knowles. The song was written by Gaga and Rodney Jerkins. The main inspiration behind the song was Gaga's fear of suffocation. The lyrics portray the singer as preferring the dance floor, rather than answer her lover's phone calls. Gaga explained that the telephone addressed in the lyrics of the song, is in reality a person telling her to continue working harder. Musically, the song consists of an expanded bridge, verse-rap and an epilogue where the line is disconnected. Knowles appears in the middle of the song, singing the verses in a rapid-fire way, accompanied by double beats.

"Telephone" was appreciated by contemporary critics who frequently noted it as a stand-out track from The Fame Monster. The song charted in a number of countries due to digital sales, namely in the United States, Australia, Canada, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Sweden and Hungary, following the album's release. The song has been particularly successful in Europe, reaching the top of the charts in Belgium, Denmark, Ireland, Norway and the United Kingdom. She performed an acoustic rendition of "Telephone" mixed with "Dance In The Dark" at the 2010 BRIT Awards in memory of Alexander McQueen. It was also added to the setlist of the European leg of The Monster Ball Tour.

Gaga explained that the music video is a continuation of the video for "Paparazzi", and is also shot as a short film. The video features Gaga in a prison, from where she gets bailed out by Beyoncé. They go to a diner where, after a series of events, they kill the guests having breakfast. It ends with Gaga and Beyoncé escaping from the police. Paying homage to Quentin Tarantino and his films Kill Bill (2003–2004) and Pulp Fiction (1994) and Callie Khouri's Thelma & Louise, the video was positively received by critics.

* Courtesy of Wikipedia/YouTube

Good Secret X Bad Secret

2010-05-09T23:00:00.000+08:00

* Photo source from johopo (John) (Flickr)

Everything seems to be so confidential when it comes to certain information. I just can't help it to uncover the mystery behind the secret. Eventhough, it meant to hurt me, I was addicted to the justice and the truth. Not only I'm addicted but just obsessed about it. I don't have time to play around anymore. However, some secret is not meant to be exposed. We live the life that full with secret. There are good secret and bad secret. Some may have to expose and some may have to be shut off.

A Love For XX ~Positive X Negative Mix~

2010-05-08T21:15:00.000+08:00

* Photo source from Naj(Desired Hopes ©) (Flickr)

When it comes to painful reality, sometimes, I just can't accept the fact that I had been lose to certain things. Now, I had learned not to keep the grudge because I know that somehow it's no used to blame myself or anyone surround me. What does matter to my life right now is that I must move on. The older that I've become, I realized that love is isn't something very easy to understand or to think about. It's easy to fall in love and easy to get heartbroken too. But I can't deny this kind of this feeling inside my heart. Even I can't stop anyone else to fall in love with me. I had stopped looking at the negative side of me. Anyone who thinks that I was easily falls into their compliments but at the back, they'd backstabbed me, now, I was looking at the different perspective kind of view. They're just loser who do not admit their own feeling because they had low self-esteem. For me, they should get a life and move on. As for myself, after I had admit my own feeling, I can live in peace. At least, I feel happier and if anyone still searching for it, my advise is to stop searching and start looking at ourselves. If we feel happy, then, go for it. No need to rush or crazy about it. What most important to us is to be patient. Surely, it will come to us.

Friend Station ~2world Harmonious Mix~

2010-05-07T16:40:00.000+08:00

No matter how far they are right now, I'm always remember them....

* Photo source from traumlichtfabrik aka Eddi (Flickr)

2 years I've been leaving Miri and it seems like yesterday I've been doing that. I miss all my friends back in Miri. I feel like part of me is still there with them and although, I had gone I'm never ever miss a thing from them. Thanks to the several friends networking that had been build to connect to all my friends from all over the world. When I was in my hometown, I'm pushing my boundaries even wider. I mix with kids to get to know their feelings. Sometimes, they're lying because afraid to the truth. Some had no nothing about outside world and had been taught with some sort of racial ideologies which I found inappropriate to them. Then, when my age real age was revealed, they cannot accept the fact that I'm at the end of my 20's and not my early 20's. Well, that's me alright and that's why I can mix with them. Even my boss told me I am unlike his previous employees. That's my specialities. There's the time I could be like a mummy. Sure it does when I put my inappropriate dress and make-up on. I am harmonious with any style that I want and I'm just hoping to live in peace and harmony with my friends from different cultures and background too.

Happy Birthday To My Friend...Bless You!!

2010-05-06T18:00:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday to my dearest friends:-

James Ling (6 May)
Rina T (7 May)

May God bless both of you and wishing both of you all the best throughout the year...

All The Right Moves With The Music

2010-05-05T17:55:00.002+08:00

OneRepublic
"All The Right Moves"

All the right friends in all the wrong places
So yeah, we're going down
They've got all the right moves in all the right faces
So yeah, we're going down

Just paint the picture of a perfect place
They've got it better than what anyone's told you
They'll be the King of Hearts, and you're the Queen of Spades
And we'll fight for you like we were your soldiers

I know we've got it good
But they've got it made
And the grass is getting greener each day
I know things are looking up
But soon they'll take us down
before anybody's knowing our name.

They've got all the right friends in all the right places
So yeah, we're going down
We've got all the right moves and all the wrong faces
So yeah, we're going down
They said, everybody knows, everybody knows where we're going
Yeah, we're going down
They said, everybody knows, everybody knows where we're going
Yeah, we're going down

Do you think I'm special?
Do you think I'm nice?
Am I bright enough to shine in your spaces?
Between the noise you hear
And the sound you like
Are we just sinking in an ocean of faces?

It can be possible that rain can fall,
Only when it's over our heads
The sun is shining everyday, but it's far away
All the world is dead.

They've got,
They've got all the right friends in all the wrong places
So yeah, we're going down
We've got all the right moves and and all the wrong faces
So yeah, we're going down

Chorus 1
They said, everybody knows, everybody knows where we're going
Yeah, we're going down
They said, everybody knows, everybody Knows where we're going
Yeah, we're going down

It doesn't matter what you see.
I know i could never be
Someone that looks like you.
It doesn't matter what you say
I know i could never face
someone that could sound like you.

Chorus 2 (2x)
All the right friends in all the wrong places
So yeah, we're going down
We've got all the right moves and all the wrong faces
So yeah, we're going down

Chorus 1

(2x) Yeah we're going down

All the right moves, hey
Yeah, we're going down
All the right moves, hey
Yeah, we're going down

"All the Right Moves" is the lead single by OneRepublic from their second album Waking Up, released to mainstream radio on September 29, 2009. and released for digital download on October 6, 2009. It is the band's first single of the album for all countries except Austria and Germany, where "Secrets" serves as the first single from the new album.

Frontman Ryan Tedder blogged on his MySpace page that before the song's release as a single, the band had already performed it live a lot. He added, "however the recorded version is quite another animal than what we performed live—it's better, we hope you like it—this might be the most fun energetic song we've ever tackled."

A low quality version of the song was published by the band on September 6, 2009, while a higher quality version of the song can be found on their official Myspace page and official band website.

* Courtesy of Wikipedia/YouTube

Dreams & Money

2010-05-04T11:10:00.000+08:00

* Photo source from Deny Rebel BG (Flickr)

We're always dream to live in a wonderful life. As for myself, I didn't have a great deal of money but that is nothing to do with my dreams to have the life that I'm always wanted. I didn't look for anyone approval because I know my sense was always very right. Sometimes, I admit it may not correct 100% but what does important to me all the times are to learn the great mistake that I've made. I may not admit it sometimes but I'm always doing my very best to work for it. What does really matter to me that I know that I'm always work hard to get it well. So, I never had a problem with achieving these dreams for myself.

Weight Obsession ~Fatty Fat Mix~

2010-05-03T15:50:00.001+08:00

Although, I eat small amount but still I get fat too...

I thought I was bigger than I think. But then, I had realize my ex-classmates who used to call me fatty are now even fatter than me. Yeah, yeah, now, I can teased them back. However, in the second thought, well, not quite. I just tend to keep quite and doing my own stuff. Just being like that is the better way to build a life that I'm always wanted. Gosh, now, I've realize everything around me seems to be getting out of time. Well, whatever it it, I don't really goes dieting, just what I've been told you before. If I feel I need to stop, well, I will stop it and if I feel I need to eat something, I will go for it. I don't really limit myself for all of that. I don't want to push myself to size 0. I want to be myself. Being fat or skinny is just another story. All I really want is being a real people.

Born to be...LIAR ~Episode I~

2010-05-02T14:00:00.000+08:00

* Photo source from mhchipmunk Flickr)

Actually, I'm still confused with few things. I don't know what to believe anymore because everything seems so ridiculous right now. I feel like running in the circle or I can say that I am travelling to the unknown destination. Right now, I feel like I don't really wanted to play the game. Enough is enough because I feel that it's absolutely stupid. Remember about the story of the guy that I had been talked about a couple of months ago? He just broke my heart. I'm really wanted to be his friend but it seems he is not serious with it. I just thought he was sincere with me.Things went wrong when I had been shocked with the news that he had a girlfriend. Okay, I accept that part and still, I'm okay with it. Next, my friend had told me that he will be going to get engaged on this June. Okay, I'll accept the truth although I feel a little upset. Then, next, guess what news that I've got. He's married. We'll bet you and I were really really wrong. The bad news are he doesn't a girlfriend, then again, he's not engaged and he's not married either. He just a liar. Lies, all lies!! That's what he is. But one thing that I don't understand at all, why did he's being so honest with me.What's really going on? Did I have to put a trust on him or the one who'd being inform me? I just...I just don't know what to say.

Potential Realistic Dreams

2010-05-01T08:00:00.001+08:00

* Photo source cinnamon girl ♡ (Flickr)

Everything seems to be impossible these days and also, it seems everything is so ridiculous. I'm always wanted to live in the dream that I'm always wanted to be but right now, it seems to be so unrealistic. It is more like the fantasy that came into reality which making me living in the fairytale. Actually, there's nothing wrong about that but i keep pinching myself. For all these times, i'm willingly to lose most of my time to prove for what I am working for and I am one step closer to prove the justice is not for me but for everyone as well. I don't care if they'd call me crazy or whatever they're wanted to call me, at least I am happy the way that I am right now. The coolest thing I've ever did to myself is almost all my potential realistic dreams come true. Well, I don't what will happen next but I'm sure it is on the plan.

Stop Telephone Me!!!

2010-04-30T19:00:00.000+08:00

* Photo source pipnstuff (Flickr)

Now, almost all my dreams had come true but still I can feel something wrong with me. I'm just like the sand in palm because I can feel myself heartless to almost everybody else right now. Not because I'm afraid of commitment but I'm afraid that they don't understand of my situation right now. So, I'm taking the important calls only around this time. I'm kinda busy. Well, you know Lady GaGa and Beyonce were right when both of them sings that song called 'Telephone', they'd sings this line..."Stop telephone me...." Sure I will return their call but when it's all come back in one piece or when it's all falls apart.

The Shock Value ~Impossible Shock Mix~

2010-04-22T17:41:00.001+08:00

* Photo source RzzA™ (Flickr)

Everything is seems out of my control. What I mean is the situation is out of my control. I had received so many shocking news these two weeks and it seems like some of them had effect my life completely. I had to adjust what I had right now whether I like or not. My life is no longer the same way that I think of. I am towards to duty as fighter to defend the injustice and be a good friends to some people who need my help or I can ignored them forever if they’ve done the bad things to me. I had no time to play around these days. On the other side of my life outside the office, I am pretty much into mission impossible. I admit it’s dangerous and I’m trying my very best to do my duty. I could be the next Erin Brokovich but I’m not like her. Defending something very valuable means have to sacrifice the life and time that I had. However, I must accept the way that it was. I am waiting for the time that has yet to come towards to the end…

My Secret x My Story ~2world XX Mix~

2010-04-16T17:23:00.002+08:00

* Photo source kyuen13 (Flickr)

Recently, my friend had talked about her life which she thinks a little sucks without an adventure. She’s right. But don’t really wish for it because she had no idea what is waiting outside the door. I’m grateful for having these kinds of life that I’m living right now. People may demand me of anything but they’ll get the price later after I fed-up with their game. Lots of thing happens around me lately. Some people don’t understand why I’m always on the run. I’m not running from the problem but I had to finish what I’ve started. It seems like it was clashes with my time right now. I have to act like the speed of light. Not only I had to save my life but everyone’s too. Everybody should get the fair amount of justice and although, I have no right to interfere in any way, but the truth is it’s all about alter ego. There’s the time we need to leave it alone and there’s the time we need to give a hand without asking their permission. I had trapped between both worlds right now. I had to choose but I refused to choose any one of it. Since I was working, I feel like I was really acting in the movie. Although, I had to hide myself but I can’t ignored some problem arise here. Nobody could escapes from the problem and nobody should hurt too. I had something in my mind too. If only I had a power, I choose to heal it. I’m doing my very best to do it. Sometimes, I’m not happy when I’m seeing someone unhappy. I’m concern too much but in the end I have to let it go. No matter how much I wanted it that way, I cannot change the fate. Some fate cannot be change but for the best of everyone, I had to do it. What is important to me is all about heart.

My (Office) Story

2010-04-15T12:12:00.001+08:00

So unpredictable like the weather...

* Photo source from Móri (Flickr)

Everything seems so fast and I never really had time to have some fun like anyone else. My world is pretty much different. Even though, I like where I am right now, I must remember my duty to fulfill my destiny and to save the world. In this story, I’m not a hero but for me what does really matter that everyone gets equal service. I’m dealing with the good and bad guys. Never in million years I would thought, that I had to deal with this kind of bad situation but the cool thing about being here, I’ve got all the things that I need. I like it here, seriously but when my time is coming I have to move on into the next level whereas I had to go into the dangerous ground. Nobody would ever think that I am more than what I look right now. For everyone, I am too mysterious but fun to be with. I admit about all of it. I can’t tell them how much I want to tell them about the secret because nobody would believe it anyway.

For a month, I cope with everything and don’t have time to write about my life. This is the perfect time which I can placed myself in blog world again. I like to deal with kids with my own way. Bad kids and good kids, you guys name it. I’ll deal with them – I mean all of them. But when I’ve decided to take it off, everyone’s panic. I don’t understand what’s going on but without me, I think everything is going to be collapsed in no time. I’ve been scold for being quit but I’ve told them, I’m not quit but taking days off. I’m in the private war right now. Whatever it takes, I must deal with this for a while and come back in one piece. Ever since I found the place I should be, I should give my attention to this. I never wanted to leave this place anyway. I don’t usually listen to someone’s opinion but for this time, I think everybody needs me and I should listens everyone especially my boss.

However, I can’t ignore my duty. I have to move on and I don’t have any choice. People may don’t understand why I’m hiding it but I’d rather take it or leave it. I’m unlike anyone else to leave just like that. I’m pretty much different. I must finish the job and ready to fire it up. It’s hard to follow the instructions sometimes but I had no choice, I had to follow the orders. I hate it when it comes to this stupid rules but it’s worth it. I’ll make sure they’ll get paid up when the time is coming. I am hunting them like a fox. When I get fed-up with the game, it’s time to play with fire. My rule, nobody needs to die. If someone needs to die on the ground, the last would dies it must be my opponent. The story is still continues and it would be so unpredictable too. The tension is getting high and whatever it will becomes, it still mysterious.

Holiday x Celebration x Valentine’s Day

2010-02-17T15:10:00.001+08:00

* Photo source by H.W. Wang (Flickr)

Sometimes, when there are lots of people around, I feel headache because of their habit who loves to bug me in the middle of my duty. When now is holiday, I feel very much alone and sometimes, when I tried to phone somebody, it seems like my calls would never return. Well, I do feels bad but never mind I thought, maybe everybody goes for holiday celebration, besides it’s Chinese New Year celebration and plus there’s also a Valentine’s Day. Everybody wanted to get quiet time with their couples and some people wanted to get fun celebrating with their family. As for me, I had to go for work. But instead of feeling bad about myself, I’m very pleased to work today as yesterday is the most boring day I’ve ever had in my life. I don’t think I need a holiday now.

A Love For XX ~Valentine Ver.~

2010-02-14T20:00:00.003+08:00

* Photo source by CWorrell (Flickr)

This month is all about love because Valentine’s Day is around the corner. I’m always excited although this special day should be celebrated by the couples in love. Well, I’m different. I choose to celebrate this special day with my family and my best friends. I had met two new people in my life this year and I consider myself very lucky in every way because I love making friends, I mean a new good friend. I admit I’m unlucky in love but you know what, I’m always believed true love will find me someday. Although, it seems like I wasn’t allow falling in love but I’m allowed to have crush on someone special. It sounds pathetic right? However, I’m used to get hurt a lot. I’m mature enough to deal with dumping or maybe, being rejected straight away, face-to-face. Human hurts each other to get what they want but for me, even if I got myself into this kind of situation, life must go on and somehow, it gets somewhere.

Speaking of crush, I do have a crush with some recently. I don’t know if he think about me but I really admire him a lot. It doesn’t matter if he’s young but I really like the element of maturity. Well, not that too mature but enough to say he is cool kind of guy. I like his sense of humor, his fun-loving character and the way he treat me is just like a princess. He would sing a long with the song that I played and he would defend me if somebody tries to bully me. Honestly, I feel safe everytime he’s around. One thing, I hate about him is he acted like a kid when he played an online games. Gosh, why did I fall for him at the first place? I thought! You know, he’d just jealous whenever the other boys who tries to flirt with me. I know because I can sense his aura.

The first time I knew him is he is just look like a big boy who’s never grown up. I don’t really notice him until I had a little conflict with my regular ‘stubborn customer’. I don’t really have a choice because I was advised not to be too strict and then again, after the incident with Mar, I just don’t like to fight with anyone. I don’t want to end my story just like her. If both of them dare to fight, I swear I will kick both out or end up at the police station. I’m not going to compromise because you know, that’s the office policy. One of them dares to hold back but his face is little gloomy and I feel guilty for that matter. So, I wrote a note saying that I’m very apologize for what happen and then, because I am new girl on the block and I didn’t know much about them either. Then, he had told me quietly that he ever fight with them and he accepted my apology.

I honestly felt sorry for him. From that moment, he’d always check on me. If I’m not around, he will ask for me for several times without any reason. Checking around is not hurt but stalking is really a psycho thing but I consider him ‘checking around’. Nothing much about him instead when he got my phone number, sometimes, he called me and asking me about how it’s going that day. Isn’t it he sounds that he wanted to get out from his boring shell? Maybe, but I don’t care. At least, I have someone listen to me whenever I need someone to unload my head. Sometimes, he can be quite shy when people around and when there’s little people, then he’s start flirting. He just comfortable to be himself and I noticed that. Well, everybody had their own weakness and surely does, he asked me to lie to his mother about how he had stopped working. I was like…ok, maybe this is very personal but I’m trying my best to help him.

I noticed he was out of money but still he want to hanging out with me. He don't dares to borrow until I offer to him. Well, it doesn't take a lot of it. He needs money to repair his motorcycle and I've lied to the owner of the workshop that he was my boyfriend which I need that for my transport. He buys the story and started to help him. Well, indeed, he was little embarassed but I feel very sorry for him. I'm honestly helping him to cope the problem. Never mind, I thought! Besides, for all these times, he helps me a lot and then again, I just need the bodyguard to look after me. I knew his father and he was very friendly just like he father. However, ever since he had hanging out with me, it seems like his father had started to feel very shy towards me. It’s not that he against both of us but it’s more likely our level of ‘education’ had become our main boundaries. Still I admire him and if he against that, I would speak up to his father saying that wouldn’t be matter. He’s a former elementary school teacher and every pupil would say hi to him. I just smile along when they thought I was his girlfriend. He didn’t say anything and would smile too. Maybe he never thought the same way that I did but I would say yes, if he wanted to get along with me deeply. I won’t be hurt if he rejected it but still I wanted to be his friend.

My friend told me, I’m always losing the ‘good’ man and rather lose them for no reason. Sometimes, they thought, it was very unreasonable when a man like that lost interest with me. I don’t know if it’s true and honestly, this is always what I’ve been heard from my friend. I do feel upset but not too sad about it because somehow, if I lose them I believe God had made an early warning that he wasn’t compatible with my taste. I need a man who accepts what I am not my looks or just because they’re need to past their time. Well, if they’re wanted to ask me to become their stunt girlfriend, why not? I love that but not for chasing girls away but to keep their family shut their mouth. About him, maybe it just a little crush and it would be good, if it gone too far. I think I’m ready for it now and hopefully, my love will be bloom like a flower and it will be shine like a sun.

Patient Please…

2010-02-04T14:00:00.001+08:00

So peaceful, so calm...

* Photo source by Paula Marina (Flickr)

When I had started my duty a month ago, I was terribly busy with everything. First, I’m panic because I was so unfamiliar with the system. Then, I was little trauma when I had lost such big amount of money. Lastly, I had to deal with the kids who’d always wanted to fight. They even broke the CPU as well. No wonder, the previous worker had runaway. I mean, Mar. I had to swallow all the pain that I had feels right now and I’m lucky to have a very good boss, whose calm and wonderfully taught me about the word ‘PATIENT’. He’s told me that’s not a big deal because he’s always get in trouble as well. My emotion had tortured and I swear I’m almost slap those people with my hand but then, when I remembered that word, I began to calm down. I call my boss, teacher because he was a teacher indeed. Actually, he was my senior and his dad was my favorite music and English teacher. Working with my boss certainly had changing me into someone’s better person. He’d never let me had that negative thought. He was very spiritual in the other way. No, not a religious thing but spiritual person, more likely turning me into a yogi. No matter, what it takes, I know that being patient is the key to everything including the key of success.

So (un)Lucky!!!

2010-01-04T14:00:00.001+08:00

* Photo source by Colors in B&W (Flickr)

There are many things that I don’t really like myself. First of all, I look like a granny, second, I lost the money, third, I apologize too much and fourth I have nobody to replace on weekends. Arghhh!!!! Somebody help me!!!

Busy! Busy! Busy! ~Idiot Ver.~

2010-01-03T12:07:00.000+08:00

I am doing spring cleaning the office too...

Too many people around! I hardly breathe and damn, that computer make problem again. I have to tell my boss. Not that cool!! I wonder why that kid always shouts like an idiot. What his problem anyway?

First Day At Work...

2010-01-02T17:07:00.001+08:00

* Photo source by mkosut(Flickr)

My first day at work, I cannot describe how busy that I am. I was scold by the ‘little’ customers and then again, I have to behave nicely. It’s really hypocrite but I had no choice. No matter what happen to me, I must obey my manager. It’s something like when the boss tells you… “Smile, even if your customer is angry!” Damn, crazy! I thought. I was dealing with teenage kids and little kids, mainly. I’m little exhausted and little confused sometimes. I’m so new to the system and don’t expect I’m good overnight. Then, suddenly, my boss told me that I had to work until he finds the perfect candidates to replace the part-time whom had quit. Oh my God!! Help me!! But nevermind because I had very long vacation and I don’t really need time off even. I had enough sleeping during daytime and I decided to refresh my mind like I was going into military class. Well, hopefully, I can stay last like it should.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010

2010-01-01T00:00:00.001+08:00

To all my friends and CGC readers around the world,

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010 and best wishes to all of you...

From CGC Creator,
Ryoko

Merry Xmas 2009

2009-12-25T00:00:00.001+08:00

To all CGC netizens supporters around the world, my friends, my dad and my mum in heaven,

I would like to wish all of you MERRY XMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010.

XOXO

A Job For XX

2009-12-19T17:00:00.000+08:00

Err, well,yes, I can do that!!

I had worked in many places and landed in small roles before. My most favorite job is none other than a librarian. Well, I quit then because due to my mum’s health is decline. After she had gone too, I’ve decided to take very long vacation until I was offered with numerous jobs last year but I think it’s never been too suitable with my soul. Then, one of my friends had offered me a simple job that connected with technology. Okay, that’s cool enough although I’m hoping for something else. But as long as I can support myself, I don’t care to take this job. Ever since I had technology background, I have to deal with many customers and mostly, the young customers. I’m little nervous during the interview but then, when I get through, my future employer was turn to be my friend’s husband. I thought, never mind. It’s so easy then and I will start next week for the courses. What a gift for my Xmas present of this year…

Happy Rhythm...Always!!

2009-12-18T15:00:00.000+08:00

Noisettes
"Don't Upset The Rhythm"

Don't upset the rhythm though
Don't upset the rhythm

The time is right
Th' sun is sleeping in the sky
Free Yo' Mind
You never know what you might find
What's your vice?
You know we won't compromise
So let me show you
Some-thing super beau-ti-ful
Lets rock the boat
The magic is unstoppable !
For on the floor
It's the rhythm you've been wai-ting for
Pure de-light
Kick, Snare, Hat-Ride!

Its all up to you
And whatever you do
Don't cut into my action
4-3-2-1..

Chorus
(Go baby, go baby GO !)
Don't upset the rhythm though
(Go baby, go baby GO !)
Don't upset the rhythm
(Go baby, go baby GO !)
Don't upset the rhythm, don't you dare
(Go baby, go baby GO !)
Don't upset the rhythm

Skin and bone
And a baton microphone
Can't get home
But you can use my dog and bone
We'll crank that stereo
Even when the speakers blow
D-I-Y
Just meet me up in paradise..

What-ever it takes
To car-ry you away
It all comes down to actions
4-3-2-1..

Chorus

(Go baby, go baby go)
(Go baby, go baby go)
This time i like it
(Go baby, go baby go)
Now don't you dare
Don't upset the rhythm

Chorus

(Go baby, go baby GO !)
Don't upset the rhythm though
(Go baby, go baby GO !)
Don't upset the rhythm
(Go baby, go baby GO !)
Don't upset the rhythm, don't you dare

Hey!
(Go baby, go baby GO !)
Don't upset the rhythm though
(Go baby, go baby GO !)
Don't upset the rhythm
(Go baby, go baby GO !)
Don't upset the rhythm, don't you dare
Don't upset the rhythm

"Don't Upset the Rhythm (Go Baby Go)" is the second single from the English indie rock band Noisettes' second studio album, Wild Young Hearts (2009). The official remix features Wale and Estelle.

The track is frequently played in Eastenders, and featured in the advert for Mazda 2 throughout the first quarter of 2009 in the United Kingdom.

In the United Kingdom, the song made its debut on 29 March 2009 at number two and made it to number one on the iTunes downloads chart, becoming the band's highest-charting single to date. The song entered the Irish Singles Chart at number 55 on 2 April 2009. On 9 April, "Don't Upset the Rhythm (Go Baby Go)" was the Irish chart's "greatest gainer" of the week after jumping to number 18 and ultimately peaking at number 8.

* Courtesy of Wikipedia/Dailymotion

My Beautiful Xmas Present

2009-12-17T10:11:00.002+08:00

glitter-graphics.com

I like to have the Xmas tree too as a the (virtual )gift...

Talked about Xmas present, so far, I have received many virtual presents and gifts from my friends but haven’t received any real presents and gifts from them. But what I do really want this Xmas as my present is to have good parent and friends. That is really enough for me…

Girl in Disguise

2009-12-15T09:00:00.000+08:00

Am I look like a boy when I'm wearing like a boy?

Like I’ve said before, I don’t wear make-up or fancy style to go out everyday. I tend to wear a simple boyish and girlish mix style; of course, with an exception during a special occasion such as celebration invitation. My friend, Mar had told me I’m totally good in disguise. No matter what I wear, sometimes, I really looks different as seems as I’m fooling everybody. Well, maybe, it’s my talent. But please don’t blame me for what I am.

The Message Song of Angel Gabriel

2009-12-13T17:00:00.000+08:00

Sting
"Gabriel's Message"

The angel Gabriel from heaven came
His wings as drifted snow
His eyes as flame
"All hail" said he "thou lowly maiden Mary,
Most highly favoured maid," Gloria!

"For known a blessed mother thou shalt be,
All generations laud and honor thee,
Thy Son shall be Emanuel,
By seers foretold
Most highly favoured maid," Gloria!

Then gentle Mary meekly bowed her head
"To me be as it pleaseth God," she said,
"My soul shall laud and magnify his holy name."
Most highly favoured maid Gloria!

Of her Emanuel, the Christ was born
In Bethlehem all on a Christmas morn
And everyone throughout the world forever saved
Most highly favoured maid Gloria!

Gabriel's Message or The angel Gabriel from heaven came (Basque: Birjina gaztetto bat zegoen) is a Basque Christmas folk carol about the Annunciation to the Virgin Mary. It quotes the biblical account of that event (Luke, Chapter 1, verses 26-38) and Mary's Magnificat (Luke 1.46-55) with the opening lines:

The angel Gabriel from heaven came,
his wings as drifted snow, his eyes as flame;
"All hail", said he, "thou lowly maiden Mary,
most highly favoured lady." Gloria.

It was collected by Charles Bordes and then paraphrased into English by Sabine Baring-Gould, whose use of the lilting phrase Most highly favoured lady made it the favourite carol of Richard Harries, Bishop of Oxford. It was performed on the album A Very Special Christmas by Sting, and most recently on the album Christmas Songs by Jars of Clay.

* Courtesy of Wikipedia/Youtube

Sugar-less Story

2009-12-12T12:22:00.000+08:00

* Photo source from anniej0849 (Flickr)

Guess what, I cannot believe that the sugar hide from the market. When the rumor about the price of sugar will sky-rocketed until RM2 because the government had been rumored not to give a subsidy to sugar anymore, the sellers and vendors from Sibu to Bintulu had decided to pull the sugar from the rack. They had decided to sell it again if the price will jack up. Well, as far as I’ve heard, it’s true that there’s shortage of sugar in the stock but no issue about to up the price yet. However, I applaud to those who give the cynical comment about it. I agree that consumed too much sugar is bad for health. So, that’s mean without sugar in our blood, we can live longer and happily ever after just because we’re all practicing a healthy lifestyle. What a wonderful life that we had?

The Brief United

2009-12-11T23:00:00.000+08:00

Happy to have you as my friend...

Haven’t seen Mend and Siti for ages. If feels like yesterday we’ve been together. When all of us departed, I feel little bit alone but fortunately, the technology had connected all of us. It had shortened time and distances between all of us. Siti had been married to Chinese guy and now, she had two children. Mend had studied in Miri and I’ve told him, it’s never too old for education as long as he had desired to study. To be honest, I admire Siti for becoming super mom at the young age. She is great because she managed her family like a politician. As for Mend, I admire him because he had bravely transforming himself into full Metrosexual persona which most of us girls really love. As for myself, the brief reunion between three of us had made me famous for a day. That because I’m taking risk of my fashion sense. Not bad for J-Pop style with the mix of Gothic Lolita. Next time, I would like to have a reunion with all of them again.

The Song For The Unfaithful Husband

2009-12-10T10:34:00.003+08:00

Toni Braxton
"He Wasn't Man Enough"

Who do you think I am?
Don't you know that he was my man?
But I chose to let him go
So why do you act like I still care about him?

Looking at me like I'm hurt
When I'm the one who said I didn't want it to work
Don't you forget I had him first?

Whatcha' thinking
Stop blaming me
He wasn't man enough for me
If you don't know now is your chance
I already had your man
Do you wonder just where he's been
And I'd be worried about him
Now it's time you know the truth
I think he's just the man for you

Chorus
What are you thinking
Do you know about us back then
Do you know I dumped your husband
Girlfriend
I'm not thinking 'bout him
But you married him
Do you know I made him leave
Do you know he begged to stay, with me (with me)
He wasn't man enough for me

Didn't he tell you the truth
If not, then why don't you ask him
And maybe you could be more into him
Instead of worrying 'bout me
And hopefully, you won't find
All of the reasons why his love didn't count
And why we couldn't work it out

Whatcha' thinking
Stop blaming me
He wasn't man enough for me
If you don't know now, now is your chance
See, I already had your man
Do you wonder just where he's been
And I'd be worried about him
Now it's time you know the truth
I think he's just the man for you

Chorus

So many reasons why our love is through (yeah)
What makes you think he'll be good to you (no)
It makes no sense
'Cause he will never change
Girl you better recognize the game oooohhhh- yeah

What are you thinking (why did he ask me to come back oh)
Do you know about us back then (beggin' me to stay)
Do you know I dumped your husband
Girlfriend
I'm not thinking 'bout him
But you married him
Do you know I made him leave
Do you know he begged to stay, with me
He wasn't man enough for me

"He Wasn't Man Enough" is the lead single from Toni Braxton's third studio album, The Heat (2000). It reached number two on the Billboard Hot 100 the week of May 6, 2000, where it stood for several weeks, as well as number one on the Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs for four weeks. The song earned Braxton her sixth Grammy Award for Best Female R&B Vocal Performance in 2001.

The video, directed by Bille Woodruff, starts out with Braxton as an animated cartoon superhero who unzips her shirt to ward off villains. Next she is shown dancing in a red cylinder-like hallway. The shot turns to a club where her ex, played by Keri Lewis (Toni's Husband) and his current wife (played by Robin Givens) walk in. Givens looks Braxton up and down and flashes her wedding ring at Braxton. Braxton scoffs because Braxton had had him first and knows what a cheat he is. The video flashes between Braxton dancing in the hallway and the club scene. At one point, the two women are in the bathroom of the club and Braxton lets her know why she dumped her husband. They set up an act where Braxton goes into a private room with him, gets him to drop his pants all the while he is on camera and everyone at the club, including his current wife, is watching. At the end, Givens busts in and throws the ring at him, and the two women give each other a high five. The video also features cameo appearances by Rodney Chester, Dawnn Lewis, and Tamar Braxton.

* Courtesy of Wikipedia/Youtube